Lessons for my son?

For a variety of reasons, it is not obvious to date at our age, especially when you have children.  Maybe I should rephrase that and say that it is not easy to date at our age especially when we have children and IF we are a responsible parent.

Now please note that I'm not passing judgement on anyone.  I am talking about my thoughts and perceptions.

In the 10 years that I've been single, my son has never officially met anyone that I've dated.  Why?  Because he was told by me that if ever I 'officially' present him someone, it will be because I'm in a relationship with this said person.

Of course my son knows that I'm dating.  He knows about the dates.  Obviously, he does not know the details of all of my dates.  In fact, he usually doesn't even know the names of the dates unless he notices that I'm going out more than twice with them.

When I come home from a date, he will always ask me how things went.  He will always ask me if I will see him again.  I always reply honestly.  I tell him if I will see him again or not and I tell him why.  Usually if I don't see the date a second time, I explain to him the reason behind it.  Such as, he was nice but there was just no connection, we didn't have anything to talk about.  Or I will reply to my son that the man was disrespectful towards me in terms of his language for example.  I won't give him any crude details such as the man who wanted to pee on me (see my entry 'To pee or not to pee' in January 2013). 

In watching me date, I hope that my son is learning respect.  Respect for myself and respect for others. 

I do not want my son to meet someone as being my 'partner' until this said partner and I are sure that we are a couple.  Why?  One important reason is that my son has already lost a parent and I do not want him to get attached to anyone and then possibly lose him from his life also. 

I also want to show him that any sexual relationship with a partner is not something that should be taken lightly.  This topic is something that I discuss with him.  Obviously he does not know and will not know the details of my relationship however, he will know that his mother has enough respect for herself and for him not to bring just anyone into her bed.

A few weeks ago, out of the blue, my son asked me if he will officially meet PMrR1.  I told him no, not right now.  He was surprised by that answer.  He replied to me that since I wasn't seeing anyone else and that I had been dating PMrR1 for a few months now that he should meet him.  I reinstated that he will meet him when we are both sure that we are a couple.  That right now, we are taking it slow and that we need to be sure first before involving anyone else.  I think he understood.

Am I doing the right thing?  As a parent and as a single woman who is raising a teenage boy, I think I'm doing the right thing.  I want my son to respect women.  I also want him to have self-respect.  What better way to show him how than through my example? 

As I've mentioned before, I work in the people field.  Too often I've seen the results of children getting attached to a parent's new partner too quickly and then have to go through the loss of that step parent because the very short relationship fell through between the parent and the 'partner'. 

I truly believe that as a parent, it is your responsibility to always put your children first and foremost and if that means sacrificing a few dates or a few outings or a few intimate moments in your home when your children are there, well so be it. 

Thankfully, PMrR1 feels the same way as I do.  I talk from experience when I say that few people think the way we do.

You could argue that my son is getting older and that he would not get attached so quickly to a new partner.  You are right.  What is happening with my boy though is that he is now learning how to date and that dating is the probable next stage in his life.

Did I plan on being in the same stage as my teenager and join him in the dating world at my age?  Of course not.  But such is life and here I am.
I might as well take advantage of the situation and just make it a teachable experience for him.....

What will be the hopeful results?  A self-respecting young man that respects not only his mother but also other women.

Not too bad in terms of results isn't it?