The sound of silence......

It's been a quiet and pensive week for me. I'm in the process of slowly but surely losing interest in the dating site. I don't go on it anymore. I've had several new messages waiting for me and I haven't gone to look at them nor do I have the desire to do so at this point. I will eventually but for now I don't seem to care.

So what is happening? I don't know.... I'm quiet and I'm pensive as to why things are so quiet within me. I really don't want to think that I'm so interested in PMrR1 that I would suddenly stop wanting to even check out the dating site. I don't think that it's the reason? I don't see PMrR1 often. On average once a week maybe. We communicate a little bit more than that, but nothing overboard. It's a slow pace and that's ok.....

I have lots going on in my life.  Professionally things are a bit on the wild side these days...non stop everything!  Personally, lots of renovations in my home are causing quite the chaos but my son and I are adapting to it.  It is a pain to be in the middle of the renovations but it's for a better cause.  I have to think of the results!

It's funny, the title of my blog is the sound of silence but between the non stop activities and action at work and between the noise of work tools and the in and out in my house with the work being done, there is no silence at all around me. 

Yet, I feel quiet.

I feel like there is no noise within me.  I'm not too sure how to explain it. 

Even the files have shut up completely.  It's as if they are comfortably sleeping, all three of them, cuddled up together.  No one is peeking around, no one is nervous, no one is complacent, they are just there.....  Weird weird weird.

I guess I could say that I feel like some renovations have been done and are still being done within me.  I've learnt to trust, I've learnt that true romance exists and I've confirmed that my instinct is working well. 

At the moment, I'm learning to let go of control.  To stop controlling the outcome of what will happen in my dating world.  I was chatting with a dear friend on the phone this week and we were talking about how I was letting things be with PMrR1.  That I was adapting to his pace.  She chuckled and pointed out that I've 'dumped' men for far lesser reasons than them needing time.  I think she was impressed with me :)

I get the feeling again that I'm in the process of learning something else.  I'm not sure what though.  It's something comforting, of that I am sure.  It's something good, it's not making me panic.  It simply is happening...whatever it is. 

Perhaps it's the realization that it's ok to not try to control the outcome of some things?  Perhaps I'm seeing how exhausting it was for me to always be on guard and to always try to control the outcome of a new relationship?

The renovations that are being done within me are also for the better, of that I am convinced....

I'm not saying I'm waiting for PMrR1.  I'm saying I'm comfortable right now.  I'm discovering how truly tired I was with all the dating I had been doing.  Much more tired than what I originally thought.

Will I date someone else again?  Time will tell but right now, it's not on my things to do list....No, I'm not deleting my dating profile, I'm just trusting my instinct right now.....

Signed peacefully yours,

SSW :)