Free falling

I have a long list of things I want to do in life.  My bucket list if you wish!  I want to travel Europe, I want to race in a Nascar stock car, I want to do an African safari and amongst others, I would like to do some sky diving.  The free fall feeling must be incredible!!

I'm getting a bit of a free fall feeling experience with the emotional ride I am on at the moment.  No sense of control over what will happen with PMrR1.  It's a new experience for me.  As you all know, I sort of like to get a sense of what will happen in some situations.  If you remember, I've described to you how I used to unwrap some Christmas gifts from under the tree before Christmas when I was a little girl.  I sometimes read ahead in a book just to see what will happen.  But in this dating world with PMrR1, I've decided to not try to control anything.  To not walk away because I can't control it.  I have a time limit in my mind though and I am giving it an honest go at it.

The free falling experience from this is a bit of an eye opener.  I'm actually doing a lot better than what I thought I would.  I'm slowly but surely learning to control the anxiety and sometimes, although it does not happen often, I do not feel anxious at all.....  My sleep is not the best though but I've never been the best of sleepers.  I have to admit that when I do sleep, I dream and dream and dream.  Freud would indeed have a field day with me.....HA!

What else am I learning?  I'm learning to pace myself.  I'm learning to go slow.  I'm forcing myself to go out with  others even if I just want to kick back and 'wait and see' what happens.  Waiting would not be good for me for now so I date.

Who am I dating?  Well, after being told by Mr Earring that he would prefer to not see me because he doesn't want to lose me, he apparently changed his mind and asked me out again for an afternoon meeting.  I agreed.  After this outing, I will see how 'serious' he is and I will definitely not see him again if I don't feel comfortable with his intentions.  I WILL control the outcome with Mr Earring....  my goal is not to hurt anyone...especially  not myself.

I just want to keep a casual approach to dating for now. 

I just heard you all say 'YEAH RIGHT' to that comment.  lol.  Let me rephrase.  I'm TRYING to keep a casual approach to dating ......   I'm really trying to enjoy the moment and to not worry about controlling the future!

I'm seeing PMrR1 tonight!  I'm looking forward to it....

I will keep you posted as to how both outings go...the one with PMrR1 and the one with Mr Earring!

Yours in a free fall!

SSW :)