Expectations

I finally got around to checking my messages on the dating site recently.  I had one interesting message from a man I met about 3 months ago.  I met him once.  Obviously, nothing came out of the meeting.  He was nice enough, we had been chatting for quite some time before we met and he has sent me a few messages since meeting.

I found him to be depressed and he admitted to having some issues with depression.  I also found him to have a complacent attitude towards dating but I didn't really think anything of it and blamed it on his depression.  That was that.

So I get a message from him, asking me how things were going because I hadn't been online lately.  I tell him that I have met someone and that we are going slowly.  He then comments on the fact that my profile is still active.  So I jokingly explain to him that I'm still waiting to meet a man that is ready to be exclusive.  He replies something interesting to me.  He says and I quote 'I find through your profile and through meeting you that your expectations are too high, I wasn't comfortable meeting you'.  (This from a man that TRIED to kiss me three times on our first meeting).

My first comment to him was that he certainly did not give me the impression that he wasn't comfortable with me because he did ask me out again afterwards.....a second meeting that I refused.  I also commented to him that I find his attitude toward dating to be blasé and very complacent.  It looks like he is not expecting anything out of meeting someone.  To which he replied 'I'm not expecting anything'. 

I simply thanked him for his comment and stated that if I am on a dating site, it is definitely because I am expecting to find someone with whom I can develop exclusivity and a possible long term relationship.  There is no way that I will allow myself to become blasé, cynical (well not completely cynical...lol) or complacent about the whole process.  I pointed out to him that I could not have such high expectations because 99% of the men that I have met have made me want to run the other way.....He 'lol' at that

His comments got me thinking about several things though.  I know that men and women are from two different planets.  I know that we think differently and I know that we are not wired the same way when it comes to relationships.  But are we that far apart?  If a man on a dating site tells me that he is seeking a relationship, I expect for the most part that he is telling the truth.  I've discussed the games that are being played out there already about men saying what they want and wanting what they say. However, that being said, should I drop my expectations?

Last winter sometime, I went out with someone for a tea.  I was exhausted and it showed.  I wasn't very enthusiastic about the meeting because of the tiredness and frankly I wasn't expecting much from the meeting.  The man commented that I looked like I was sick and tired of dating.  I smiled and simply said I had had a long day. 

The dating world sucks (to quote some teens) at times.  You have to anticipate and expect great things, but apparently you can't let it show too much or it might make men run away. 

You cannot be tired or at least let it show or they will tell you that you look 'sick and tired of dating'.

You have to be sexy, pretty, smart, funny, intelligent, be on the ball, witty, go to the gym, work your ass off, have a career and be able to match a man on anything though. 

But do NOT expect a possible relationship.  And for goodness sakes do NOT be eager about it!!

I apologize for the sarcasm.  But in my final reply to the email on the dating site I said to him that the day that I stop expecting is the day that I stop dating all together.  What is the point of being on a site to find a partner if you cannot expect to have one?

I'm secure enough to know that my expectations are not off the chart.  I know what I want and that is that. 

In the meantime, I just came back from having dinner with PMrR1.  It was a great couple of hours in our extremely busy schedule.  I'm still comfortable not controlling anything and I expect (here's that dreaded word again) that we will meet again soon for yet another activity or outing.....

“An attitude of positive expectation is the mark of the superior personality.”
― Brian Tracy

So there!

Signed yours truly,

SSW :)