Hot Ball

To be the holder of that ball was way too much for me.  I did not like having the responsability of holding it and of making the decision of what to do with it.  Yes ladies and gentlemen, I was in the presence of a hot ball!

I bounced it around amongst my files.  My Trust file looked at me like I had lost my mind so she threw it to the Experience File, who in turn actually laughed out loud (I heard it) and tossed it to the Mitigation file.  The M file was left holding it.  She was not sure what to do with it, so in her wisdom, she decided to throw it back to PMrR1. 

Earlier in the blog, I wrote the entry 'The ET files' that describes my whole filing system that is happening up there (yes, in my brain).  It's a bit of a mess at times......

So after all this process, I threw the ball back in PMrR1's court.  I texted him that I would like to share something with him and suggested a time.  I then asked him to suggest a time if mine wasn't good for him.  He did reply that he would contact me with another day when he knew....

Ok, I will be honest with you. I wasn't going to write it but I will edit and tell you the truth.  I purposely offered a time to see him when I pretty well knew that he would be busy.  It is a long weekend in my province and many, it not most, have plans for the extra long weekend.  I knew he would be busy and I knew that I would not have to face up to him.  I basically wanted him to be left holding that hot ball!

So now, I feel better.  The ball is in his court.  I don't have to be the one to make the next move.  If he wants to see me, he will have to say something now.  Frankly, as time goes by, I would rather not have to deal with it.  Let's just close the chapter and move on.  However, I will read him the email that I have written IF I hear from him again.  I don't have that pressure of contacting him anymore.....

Next week sometime, I will get back on the dating site and I will jump in again..... 

Am I still disappointed with PMrR1?  Yes, of course.  But I am not responsible for his thought process.......

Life goes on.... 

I'm hoping that with the renovations completely finished (as of today), my  holidays starting (with a wonderful celebration of a beautiful family member's wedding - very excited for her) and with some rest and relaxation on the agenda, that things should settle for me at all levels.

I need to push disappointments out of my heart and out of my mind..... I don't want to become cynical (I've been fighting this all along) and I don't want to become cold.....  I will blog about this at a later date....

So there you have it.  A short update..... 

Signed a not so hot anymore SSW :/