I have this little bunny rabbit running around my yard. He's a wild rabbit. He is white in the winter time and at this time of year a beautiful brown colour. Although he is not knocking on my door, he is quite comfortable in my yard thank you very much.
My precious bunny allows me to look at him from a distance. Both my son and I gently approach him at times. He lets us think that we can get close but he never really permits the closeness to occur.
I love this little guy. I spot him almost every day, summer or winter. Usually in my yard, but sometimes in my neighbour's yard. I like to think that he has accepted me into his life.
I also have a duck and a drake (male duck, I had to look it up) couple living around me. I think I probably live around them actually. Now those two are amazing. They seem to have a sense of security of relying on each other. I opened my front door not too long ago and I almost stepped on them. They looked at me as if I was disturbing their little outing.
My presence did not bother them in the least. They waddled along on their merry way, ignoring me for the most part but certainly keeping an eye on me.
Unlike the rabbit, this feathery couple allow me to get much closer to them. I don't touch them tough, not really wanting to find out how it feels to be pecked by a duck.
I find great comfort in having these little wild creatures around me. I feel that it is a good sign, that myself, along with my neighbours are a peaceful group that makes little animals feel comfortable enough to allow us to share their space with them.
Coming home tonight, I spotted my little rabbit friend again, happily munching on the grass. The sense of comfort in seeing him was....well....comforting. I remember a time when these comforts were enough for me. When I could just do my thing in my comfort zone and not be bothered by anything else and more importantly find complete satisfaction in the little things such as the presence of nature around me.
What has changed? Yes, I was happy to spot bunny and to know that my ducks are around but....I always go back to feeling an uneasiness at the bottom of my gut. Is it all the fiber I'm eating (I know you were are all thinking it....)? No, the feeling doesn't have a physiological origin, it's something else.
Sometimes I feel that dating is like the relationship I have with the rabbit. I can spot it at a distance. Some closeness can occur but just when I think that I can touch it, the rabbit runs away or even yet, I hold back for fear of getting hurt or scaring it away for good.
I then spot the duck and the drake, the happy couple. Relying on each other, feeling secure, looking out for each other. They seem to be less fearful of what is 'out there'. They have confidence in each other.
Perhaps the rabbit and I need to learn that it's truly ok to let someone approach you. To trust your instinct and to build the relationship. Granted the rabbit could lose his life and get eaten alive if he trusts the wrong predator..... I wouldn't necessarily lose my life, but I could lose my heart, I could lose the little trust that I do have left in allowing someone in. I could lose independence (although I doubt that will happen) but let's face it, I could lose important things....
However, I could gain a reliable partner like the ducks have in each other. I could perhaps develop a secure partnership with someone. Not that I feel insecure but......well you know what I mean.....to be able to rely on someone and say 'can you take care of that this time around?' Oh I can 'handle' everything thrown my way, I truly can. But sometimes, it would be nice to let someone else worry about the little things.....Know what I mean? Just to have someone there with you and for you.......
Thing is I'm not so sure I can take that chance and allow the reliance to happen. But if I don't take that chance, I end up with that bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. What an odd conundrum to be stuck in. Never thought I'd compare myself to a rabbit and to ducks but then again, I never thought I'd be going through these things with some of these dates.....
I know, it's a strange analogy. The rabbit, the ducks, men, me...... all a bunch of wild animals really (haha).
I'm giving PMrR1 one more week to respond then I will send him the email. In not sending it right now, I'm only being respectful and an adult about 'things' in giving us the opportunity to talk face to face. I strongly suspect that PMrR1 is acting like a rabbit though..... I doubt that he will allow me to approach him.
I went back to my dating site over the weekend and I've already had a first date. Very distinguished and kind 53 year old handsome man. There is nothing like being in a presence of a confident and respectful man..... I plan on seeing Mr Confident again. Tentative plans have been set..... Note that he is not overly confident.... I've noticed and will continue to note....
Mr Earring has made a reappearance. He is being very careful in asking a few polite questions about PMrR1. Mr Earring makes me laugh. I still don't think that we have that much in common but we do not seem to run out of things to email each other about.....
With jumping back into it, I started thinking that perhaps I've been making a mistake in assuming that we are all ducks. I think most of us, me included are rabbits hiding inside a duck costume. We need to develop a duck mentality with partnership in mind and stop acting like a rabbit. The rabbit can have the job of being a rabbit......
SSW :)
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