No, I'm not 100% giving up on PMrR1, but I'm 95% there on giving up. As promised, I will let go of the control and let things be....for awhile. I'm working on my patience.....I'm sure as heck impatient about it though (HA).
With PMrR1 I've learned that I can trust my instinct, trust some men and that true romance exists. All is not lost with this experience.....
I'm not sure if I've ever expressed this thought before but take note of it: I have never, nor will I ever try to convince a man to be with me. If someone wants to be with me, he will do whatever it takes for it to happen. No convincing needed.....
A few potential dates are lined up. Not sure on the 'connection' on most, but I will have to meet up with them to really see.
I don't know..... I've just recently turned on my profile, the pictures are hidden though but I'm feeling discouraged before even getting started. I'm thinking of giving up again but it won't happen just now. I don't know why but I think I should just stick it out for awhile yet.....
I know it's a paradox, but another very weird feeling I'm getting (it's a strange one that makes me wonder if Freud's couch is not in fact needed)..... I'm feeling a strange sense of relief at 'dropping' the PMrR1 'thing' and getting back to regular or less emotionally threatening grounds with strangers.
Seeing that my background is in the 'people' field, I've convinced myself that I'm feeling this way because it is scary to even potentially get emotionally involved with someone. It's in fact so unnerving that I won't let it get too far, I'll pull back first.....well, at 95% anyways.....
So there you have it. I just had a mental image of Freud's cigar dropping out of his mouth....it's not a pretty sight! lol.
Signed a paradoxically sad, yet relieved, but mostly sad,
SSW :(
I don't understand why someone who is so romantic with someone would still want to be with others. Could it be that his romanticism is a put-on? a game he likes to play? I associate romance with love, perhaps I'm wrong?
ReplyDeleteMy instinct is telling me it is not a put-on at all.....
ReplyDeleteI don't know what else to say except that I'm not holding my breath..... I have to believe his words and not his actions..... His words said 'no exclusivity', so that is what I'm believing....
Thanks for your comment,
SSW :)
Perhaps my comment was a little judgemental. It's just that I'm feeling your frustration, SSW. I think you have the right attitude though. Keep looking.
ReplyDeleteNo, not at all, your comments were fair. How he is acting and what he is saying are two different things. I know and feel that he is interested. That is plain to see but I also know and feel his apprehension. I will let this be. It needs to come from him. If it doesn't......well it's his loss (well both our loss but that is that).
ReplyDeleteThanks, I'm ok.... I can't be angry at him, he is being honest. I have to control my own thoughts and expectations. Those are the ones messing me up....
SSW :)
Have you told him that YOU would be ready for exclusivity?
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering if by you turning on your dating profile again you are sending the message that you are playing the field.
Not being judgmental at all here, eh.
I know are not judging. I appreciate the comment.
ReplyDeleteYes, I have very clearly told him that I am ready and want exclusivity. He doesn't for the next year or two....
His profile is active, I see no reason why mine shouldn't.....
Thank you for your comment....
SSW :)