POOF!!!!...... Gone!

What is gone?  My anxiety for now.  Why is it gone?  Why indeed!  You would think that it should still be there, more than ever.....

I had a beautiful evening with PMrR1.  He is a sweet, gentle, kind man and I love his company.  Still no bells ringing, quiet files, all is good.....except....

As predicted, PMrR1 is not ready for more.  He has not dated as much, has been single for a bit more than 2 years as opposed to my 10 and is a bit apprehensive it seems (aren't we all).

We both agree that our relationship has the potential of becoming serious very quickly.  That is a problem if you are not ready for it.

So why is my anxiety gone?  Simple.  What do I have to be anxious about?  I'm not going to see PMrR1 as often so I'm obviously not going to develop anything serious with him. 

The first words out of my good friend's mouth was give him time, he's scared.  My reply to that was that I am NOT waiting.  I cannot let myself think those things.  In my book, the potential has now diminished to non-existant or almost.   Yes, I'll go out with him again if he asks (I'm not asking), but that is it..... 

So there you have it.....  What I really want to do is just kick back, relax, ignore everything and just do my thing.  What I will force myself to do is get back into the dating circle....  I have to do it or I will fall back into my comfort zone....the one where I'm stuck in my own little world.  It's an ok world but the risk of staying there is too great,  so I'm not going to look that way for now.  I'm still comforted by the fact that I can go there when I'm good and ready to go there.....  but for now, deep down, I know that it's not the time.  I don't know why I feel that, but I do.....

The anxiety is gone for now..... so why do I feel so bad and so sad and mostly so discouraged?

In the next few days.......

- the online dating profile will be back on.....

- the online dating pictures will be back on.....

Here we go again......

Damn....

SSW :(

P.S.  There will be a smile again very soon beside my SSW signature.....I just need a bit of time to absorb this....