Weirded out

Weirded out?  Yes I am. Want me to explain?  Synonyms of weirded out are:  agitated, distraught, freaked out, frenetic, shook up, wired, worked up etc....

Why am I in this state you say? I don't know????  My E-file has no entry on this and is just shrugging his shoulders.  My T-file is hiding his face.  There is nothing to Mitigate so the M-file is just sitting there looking stupid!   There is no Experience, no Trust and definitely nothing to Mitigate.  So, what do I do?

I cannot even begin to tell you how much I want to run the other way.  I want to throw it away.  I hate feeling like this.  It's scary and stressful and throws me off balance like I've rarely felt before.

Don't be too concerned.  I can handle it and it won't bring me down but it is freaking me out!  So what will I do?  I will not think about it too much.  I will take a deep breath and I will be patient with myself and with the process. 

I see a definite pattern here, a new motto developing... 'Breath, keep busy, be patient'.  'Breath, keep busy, be patient'.   It has a nice ring to it....

So what has thrown me in this uncharted filing territory?  Worse thing yet, I DON'T KNOW! 

I will start by the beginning.  I had an outing with Mr 2G2BT two nights ago for his birthday.  Dinner and a play.  A wonderful evening!  I truly enjoy his company and he seems to be enjoying mine.  We talked a lot after the play over a glass of wine and all was good.

That is it.  Nothing more to write.  So why do I feel this way and why oh why am I still hearing a bell ring once in awhile.  A clear and distinct 'Ding Dong', not too loud, but ever so present?  I don't know.....   :(

Mr 2G2BT and I are taking it slow and we are supposed to see each other again next weekend.  In the meantime, break is over and although I haven't turned on the pictures on my dating profile, I do have a few first meetings set up for this week with others. 

Going out with others will ensure that I don't get emotionally involved too quickly with Mr 2G2BT.  There is no way that I'm sitting around waiting while he continues to date others ....

So I wait and see.  My gut is telling me something and I'm not sure what.  I've already known Mr 2G2BT for one month now (how time flies when you're having fun) and I'm bound to find out what is going on one way or another.  I have to remember to be patient.....right?

In the meantime, life goes on.  I spend time with my wonderful son, I take care of my home, I work my jobs, I exercise, I talk to friends and family and I spend time with the most important person in my life..... Me.  I need to remember not to forget about her.  I need to remember that over analysis will throw 'her' into a weirded out place. 

So here I go, 'breath in, breath out, keep busy and be patient'.  Oh and of course .....smile.  Life is good, I could decide to walk away anytime I wanted to, the temptation is there, but I'm not doing it .......yet....

Yours in a weirded out state,

SSW :)