Settling? Let's settle this now!

How do you know if you are on the right track?  How do you know if you are not settling?  What are the odds of both persons being on the same track when it comes to wanting to be with each other?

When we are young, of course we will usually be on the same track, we are yearning to experience the relationship, we want to live our lives with someone....  I'm not saying that you are settling when you are young, but you do not have the same amount of experience as when you are older....

Now let's fast forward to middle age.  We've usually had the experience of a relationship.....we've lived it.  Now those of us that are comfortable with ourselves and have been alone for years and years how are we approaching this?  Personally I'm approaching this finding-a-partner thing a bit blindly, a bit apprehensively and with lots and lots of caution.  Believe me when I say it's scary.  I've had more women tell me that 'if I happen to become single, I'm staying that way, I don't know how you do it'.  Funny enough, I've also have several woman say 'I want to have your life for one week'.  lol.  That one makes me chuckle...... 

Ok, so back to settling or not?  I'm careful and apprehensive but how will I know when I can stop being so?  Will it be when I stop feeling like I have to be cautious all the time?  Will it be when I don't feel like dating is work anymore?  More importantly, will it be when my E file finally quiets down and when the T file opens up completely thus making the M file obsolete? 

A side note : my file analogy represents what I feel and what I'm thinking.  The point of this blog is to express those thoughts and maybe make me realize a few things about myself.  A comment I received in my last entry had me thinking.  The anonyous commentator said she was concerned to see the files come back into my entry after I had been quiet about them for awhile.  Yes, I dare say that the files may in fact get quieter as I relax more and start having more fun.  The mention of the files are a way for me to express what I'm feeling.  Whether it be fear and anxiety over being disappointed or even over finding someone great.  Those emotions are there and I will have to deal with them.  The files for me are a fun and clear cut way to identify the emotions and to express myself...

Ok, so back to me not being cautious anymore, me having fun, me having quiet files.... I'm assuming that some of these things will happen when (if) ever I meet Mr Right?  Maybe I've already met him?  Mr 2G2BT or Mr Italian?  Maybe another Mr I haven't met yet?  I don't know but in the meantime, I continue to date and to NOT settle no matter what.  I will feel the emotions and I will express them.  I will take deep breaths and I will not make hasty decisions about anyone....

I will not settle though.  No, I'm not looking for perfection, not at all.  I am however looking for a strong connection in terms of being able to talk about anything and I'm also looking for a spark.  I've had people tell me that the spark is not important but I don't know.  I'm not convinced.  Obviously, the spark is NOT the most important thing but isn't it ok to look for a balance in both?  Getting along with someone, having a strong connection AND having a spark between us?

I'm going to see Mr 2G2BT next weekend.  I strongly suspect that it may be my last date with him.  Ok, maybe not...  I just said that I wouldn't make any hasty decisions but I don't know.... I will have to decide something at one point I suppose? 

What I do know is that by the time the next date comes along it will have been two weeks since we've last seen each other.  We've exchanged a couple of emails last week and we will see what this week brings.  Thing is, I feel like I should be missing him more than what I am....

Yes, there is something missing on my part when it comes to Mr 2G2BT and I'm pretty sure it's the spark.  Yes, I've had friends encourage me to stick it out with him to see if it would develop and I have.  I may a bit longer.... I'm not sure yet.....

The one thing I do know is that at first and second glance, Mr Italian has so far captured me on both levels.  It is obviously very early in a possible friendship and no, before any of you suggest it, I am not putting all my eggs in this basket.  I am not doubting what I do have with Mr 2G2BT because of Mr Italian.  However what this 47 year old gentleman has done is shown me a glimpse of someone having both important traits that I'm looking for in a man....an intellectual connection and a spark.  Now will it go anywhere with Mr Italian?  Will we both be on the same page?  I don't know..... time will tell.  I'm going out with him again either tomorrow or the day after.  We shall see how things go....

I still have friends telling me (and possibly some readers thinking) that I should just enter a relationship with someone.  Well I'm here to settle this right now and to say that I will not be settling!!

I will not enter into anything that I'm not comfortable with at all levels.  No way!  Again, I'm not looking for perfection but I will not settle for anything less than what I want and what I deserve.  I'm not asking for too much am I?  More importantly, at this point, what do I have to lose?

 

Independently yours,

SSW :)