So now confusion is settling in. Somehow I knew that this 'let's continue to date other people' would not make things easier. I knew it!!!! Arghhh!
No, I'm not talking about my hormonal attack that I had with Mr Dangerous a few nights ago (although the thought of him still gets my hormones going), no, now I'm talking about Mr Italian! A funny, cute, smart, hard working father of one teenage son. Dark black hair, dark eyes, dark complexion. Not only the complete opposite of me (which is no big deal) but the complete opposite of what I usually go for.... (which technically is also no big deal I guess).
Mr Italian is charming and I enjoyed my cup of tea with him. We sipped tea and talked and laughed. Now of course I'm thinking..... 'What the heck do I do now'?? There is Mr 2G2BT that had piqued my interest considerably, Mr Dangerous who perked me up but let's face it, more on a carnal level and now Mr Italian who has also captured my attention to about the same level as Mr 2G2BT.
OMG! I never, in a million-gazillion years (that's a lot of years) thought that I would ever ever be in a situation like this.....
So if I take away the hormonal attack (haha), the true confusion lies between Mr 2G2BT and now Mr Italian. Definite connection with this 47 year old man and wow did he get my attention. I don't think I've ever enjoyed a cup of tea so much....
I'm going out with Mr Italian tomorrow night. Mr 2G2BT is busy with his young adult children this weekend.
Although I'm fine with it (I think), I'm still not convinced that dating more than one person is the way to go. I understand the necessity of going slow when wanting a relationship. But still...... let's look at the pros and cons of dating more than one.
Pros:
-takes the focus off the one person thus preventing that I get attached too quickly
-will allow me to see what I really want in one partner, what traits are important to me and which ones aren't (although I should know that at my age)
-it is enjoyable, I'm having fun for the most part and I am meeting some interesting people (some more so than others).
-after being single for so long I have to admit that it is a boost to my confidence (although I wasn't really lagging)
Cons:
-dating more than one person can be perpetual? When do you stop? When do you know to stop?
-there can be a serious waste of time.....or is it a waste of time? For some yes...Mr Stinker comes to mind but for others, maybe not....
-it can get to be overwhelming (well for me anyways). Scheduling this with two jobs, a teen, a home, the gym and life in general is no small feat. I must be shattering some kind of world record with the amount of first dates that I've had. (Note that at the present, nothing is suffering, especially not my son - my priority...in fact, I think he is learning a lot about self-respect through our discussions).
-if I continue to date others, statistically, won't I probably always meet someone that is better than the other one? Do I just stop and call it settling? (Entry to the blog on 'settling' is coming soon).
and finally
-if I wait too long to date only one, am I not risking that I lose them all?
So there it is. A pro and con list. There are more items in the con list than in the pro list. However, the 'weight' of the items on the pro side is more important to me at the moment. Especially the first one.
-takes the focus off the one person thus preventing that I get attached too quickly
This one is important to me. I know me. I know the working of the files up there (yes there) and I know the dangers of getting attached too quickly. So yes, there are definite advantages to dating more than one person..... at the moment.
Now I don't know if any of you thought of it but this can definitely be bad also. What better way for me to avoid trusting ONE person by just NOT trusting any of them? How easy would that be? I'll just date a few men perpetually and not develop anything on a deeper emotional level. The M file does not like that thought at all. I just got THE look from her, she is shaking her head and is going back to work..... (yes, that is happening in my brain...haha). If you are confused with this analogy, please refer to my January entry of 'The ET files'.
So there you have it. I think I've covered the bases. Firstly, I know that dating more than one man for now might serve to confuse me because now Mr 2G2BT has competition (I will see over the next little while how serious that competition is). But I also know that it's ok because I don't want to get attached too quickly to anyone.
Secondly, I have also realized that I have to be careful not to let this go on and on and on so that I eventually have to deal with trusting someone or not.
Have I covered everything? Does this make sense? I think it does?
Confucius says: 'Go to bed SSW and stop thinking'. Smart guy that Confucius....
Yours in a tiny bit of confusion....
SSW :)
You seemed to be doing better with all those files for a bit. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe you should take a dating break and figure out where this business of not trusing anyone stems from.
ReplyDeleteThis is just a feeling I get, that you like Mr. TG2BT and get along well with him but there's no spark there. I think attraction is important in a relationship.
If after one meeting you put Mr. Italian on the same level of Mr. TG2BT you should definately explore that option.
When it comes right down to it, I think you will know when you find the right partner. You simply won't be interested in dating anyone else.
Hi! Thank you for your comment. A few interesting points you brought up. Firstly, taking a break from the dating will throw me back into my comfort zone and this time around I won't necessarily want to come back out.
ReplyDeleteThe business of not trusting someone..... as time goes by and the more I think about it, I suspect that this is my own fault in terms of some expectations that I've had in the past in terms of relationships in a general sense. There is also the 'I've been independent for so long and I've worked so hard to get what I do have that no one is going to take anything away from me' syndrome that may be happening. I mentionned that in passing a couple of entries ago..... Once I work it out myself, I will definitely write about it....
As for your feeling, you are 100% right. I have a great friend that is telling me to see it through with Mr 2G2BT because attraction can develop. I'm listening to this friend. Now there is a bit of a wrench in the whole scene because of Mr Italian. I'm going out with him tonight like I mentionned and I will see how that goes.... I guess this is why they call it dating. Frankly this is something that I have never done....date so much.
I also agree with you that deep down, I'll know when it will be right.... At least I hope so.
Thank you for your comment!!
SSW :)
Sounds like you're starting to have fun with the dating thing... I would stop listening to the files for a while and just go with it (but don't do anything that you will regret... you still have to look at yourself in the mirror the next day)... It takes a long time to really get to know someone... its easy to say things that you think the person wants to hear and hence the reason for taking your time dating... watching how he interacts with others means more than words alone... For this reason, I would continue to date others until you're sure about THE person... as others have said, you'll know it when you meet the right one... trust your instincts... but in the meantime, simply enjoy...
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughts! I certainly plan at staring at myself in the mirrow with wide open eyes...of that I am not worried.
ReplyDeleteI will continue to date others and take it from there. Came back from my outing with Mr Italian and it was fantastic! Insightful man, funny, smart and a good dad. We talked about taking it slow, I told him about me seeing Mr 2G2BT.... this is interesting and it's foreign to me. I've never done this before but I am getting to know people and that is the point of dating isn't it?
I enjoyed myself a lot tonight....feels very very comfortable....
Thank you for your comment..
SSW :)