What was I thinking?

In the spirit of laying it all on the line and of really trying to put myself out there in the dating world, I did something stupid today.   Yup, I fully admit it.  I chatted with an obviously very intelligent man online and decided to meet with him.  No, that wasn't the stupid part, the stupid part is that he lives 122 km (76 miles) away.  The next town over.

Now I joked around with my bff and my sister in law that I was through with men from my region.  That there just wasn't anyone in this town for me!  Of course, ignoring the obvious implications, but nevertheless 'taking a chance' because apparently that's what it's all about, I meet this wonderful, intelligent, insightful, handsome, kind man.  He drove here to meet me.

Before you ask (again, I know you are wondering), he is 10 years my senior (I sense a recurring theme here).  Anyways, let's call him Mr insightful.  I have rarely met anyone that has caught my attention at this level.   He is a gentle soul, full of life, full of common sense and very kind with his parents, his adult children and with life around him.  He has a rare insight on life and I admire that a lot.

However, that being said, he is not leaving his town and I'm not leaving my town.  As kind as he is, I'm not driving 3 hours for a return trip to have dinner with him, nor is he inclined to do so for me and I certainly don't blame him. 

So two questions arise for me.  Firstly, why the heck did I meet with him?  Secondly, is he really all that great or do I think he is great because I can't have him?  Hmmmm, I feel that a wave of over-analysis is about to occur.

To answer the questions in the best of my ability....  I met him because I honestly took a chance.  We talked well, he was clearly intelligent and his insight appealed to me.  He also felt like 'I got him', like I understood him.  We seemed well matched.  So we chanced it.  The worst that can happen at this point is that I have a new friend in the next town over. 

The second question is harder to answer.  Would I really be attracted to this man if he was in my town and if I could see him anytime I wanted?

This begs the question if I'm truly ready for a relationship?  It seems to some people that what I really want is unattainable.  I have been 'accused' (for lack of a better word) by friends, of being too fussy or being too demanding in what I would like in a man.  To those friends, I have always and still do reply that I will never ever settle just to be with someone and if I don't find what I want in my partner well then such is life and that is that.  Some of my friends (certainly not all) don't understand that.  They feel that I should just stop being so darn picky and move on into this dating world with SOMEONE already!

However, Mrs over-analysis here can't really have that.  The over analysis in this case does not lie with what I'm looking for (I'm clear as to what I want in a man).  However my deep thoughts stem from the possibility that I may not really really want it.  Is my T file really that incapacitated? 

The question is bugging me.  Again, I ask it.  Would I pursue a possible relationship with this man if he was in my home town?  If I could see him again tomorrow, would I?  I can definitely and with great certainty tell you that I would, yes!...... I think.....

Darn it!  I can't honestly answer it.....  I know that he is smart and that I like that.  I know that he is insightful and I like that too.  He is kind, considerate, attractive, seems stable, funny etc.... everything I am looking for.  But those  ET files are getting in the way again.  I know they are. 

Key words in my last paragraph just hit me like a brick wall.  I just wrote 'seems stable'.  Isn't it funny to you that I would even write this down?  Why am I even bringing this up?   Truth is, amongst the many many entries in my E files are a few 'unstable' men that I have met.  I seem to have a knack to attract people wanting to 'talk' to me, to open up to me and to seek help (I may have sucker written on my forehead or I'm too kind). Either way, from the earliest days that I can remember up until this time in my life, people talk to me, they let loose and they tell me everything!  What is it about me that make strangers tell me their life stories out of nowhere??

This is an interesting epiphany for me.  I need to stop assuming that every man I meet is an emotionally unstable person ready to break down in front of me at any moment (Mr handsome comes to mind).  I need to really gain control of my T file through my M file and to give my head a shake. 

I will need to take it one day at a time and I will need to trust and to listen to what the man sitting in front of me is honestly saying.  I need to believe that he is being honest and that he is stable.  I think that this is the only fair thing for the other person and for me isn't it?  I'm just now realizing by writing this entry to my blog that THIS is the chance, the leap of faith and the risk so often talked about.  To trust someone, a stranger, but more importantly to trust my own judgement and my own ability to figure this out without over analysis.  I seriously think I can mitigate this. 

Yes, I would meet Mr insightful if he was available.  I would and I'm sure I would!  I would however take it slow and I would proceed with much (much) caution....  As anyone should I think....

Hmmm, look at me.  I feel better.  The analysis was cut short, much to my surprise. 

I've said it before and I say it again, this writing stuff is proving to be very good for me.

I have not over-analyzed as much as I thought I would.  That is a great step forward I think....

Signed a pleasantly surprised to have had an UNDER-analyzed night,

SSW :)