To pee or not to pee?

10 years ago, when I first seperated with my husband, I dated on and off.  I was at that time also on a dating site.  I was pretty careful and it was scarier for me at that time because not only was I younger, I was also less secure with myself.  My son was obviously 10 years younger and I knew that I did not necessarily want anything serious but I also wanted to go out for dinner, a movie or a walk once in awhile. 

Little did I know back then that 10 years of singlehood has probably been the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Why?  Because I have been forced to discover that my own company is really not that bad.  I have learnt that I can paint (ok, paint by number but c'mon, it's still pretty good), that I can crochet (thanks mom for showing me), that I can cook, that I can educate myself through a variety of books, that I can develop all kinds of skills and interests without having a man in my life.  That I can be me and that I don't need anyone else to complete me.  It's been quite the eye opener.

That being said though, while all of this learning process was happening, I was going out on the odd date once in awhile.  Nothing serious ever developed but boy did I meet some characters!!!

There was this firefighter (major fantasy material) with whom I talked online for awhile.  We progressed to the phone.  On the phone, he told me that he did not drink at all.  I was fine with that but it did ring a bell (oh that darn bell how often it rings, it rang 10 years ago and it's still ringing now...I will tell you about the warning bells sometime)....anyways, I digress.  Fast forward to a few days later.  I meet this fantasy firefighter at our local park, in the middle of the day for a walk.  As soon as I saw him I knew.  I said 'you told me you don't drink, what do you take instead'.  He did not miss a beat and said that he smoked weed.  Not wanting to sound like a prude, I said 'ok, that is your choice, but when do you smoke it, you have two teens at home'.  To which he replied, 'I smoke with them'.  This was probably the shortest date on record.  I looked at my watch, said 'look at the time, I've got groceries to do' and left.

I met another man at a local restaurant.  He had forgotten to tell me that he was in a wheelchair!!  My face dropped when I saw him.  Now again, I am pretty open minded but if you refer to my earlier post, I did have a handicapped father who was in a wheelchair.  I do not necessarily want that in a mate.  Well this guy here had the nerve to tell me that 'everything' works except for his legs and that he was discriminated by me for wanting to leave immediately. I simply replied 'I make my own choices in life and you have no idea what life experiences I have had.  Do not make that type of decision for anyone'.  I think that was a darn good reply.
Exit restaurant.

Another guy forgot to tell me he had tourette's syndrome.  Simply stated, tourette is a condition whereas the sufferer will blurt out anything that comes to mind.  There are no filters.  So after sitting through an extremely uncomfortable 15 minutes staring at a guy screaming words out of nowhere at me, I thanked him for the soda and yes, I exited the restaurant.

Another guy had a bandaid around his ring finger.  I asked him to remove it so that I could see the 'booboo' he had there (his words not mine).  It was an indentation of where his wedding ring went.  Exit restaurant.

Another guy, just while talking on the phone with him suddenly blurted out to me that he wanted to pee on me.  I thought I hadn't heard properly so I sputtered 'wh...wha....what'????  Yes ladies and gentlemen, he repeated it.  He wanted to pee on me.  What can a girl reply to that?  Thank goodness I hadn't met him in person yet.  I had visions of him lifting his leg like a dog and peeing on me in the parking lot of a restaurant.    I simply said 'piss off then' and I hung up the phone.  For the record, that too was a pretty good reply on my part!

I pride myself on being open-minded.  Whatever two consenting adults want to do, whatever they both agree on is up to them.  Up until that time though I had always thought (naively so) that whatever those adults decided to do together, they had discussed it, they knew their likes and dislikes, they knew the basic things like their last name!  But apparently not!  It seems that in some people's world it is perfectly acceptable for a man to tell you he wants to pee on you a few minutes into a conversation.  Boy he pissed me off (sorry couldn't resist).

I have learnt to be better at deciphering what men want.  I've recently learnt that what they say they want and what they really want are sometimes two different things.  This is very important and I will talk about this again in another blog.

My 'dating' innocence was lost some 10 years ago.  I tried the dating thing on and off for awhile but nothing serious came of it.  I did meet a few nice guys though (they don't all want to pee on you from the get go) and I am still friends with one or two of them after 10 years. 

I stopped dating all together when my ex husband (and good friend) passed away.  I could not and more importantly did not want to bring in anyone new into my life.  My son needed me to be a mom and a dad to him.  So for the last 3.5 years, that is what I have been doing.  I've done the baseball thing, the football thing, the fishing thing (you should see me bait a hook and take that fish off the hook).  I've done and am still doing THE talks with him (although I think I may be traumatizing him).  We've learnt to make a Windsor knot on his ties, to measure the neck for the shirt sizes, to figure out jock straps and now very soon I will be doing the driving thing with him.  I have not regretted one second of it.  I would not change one thing and still continue to try and be there for him anyway I can.  I could never replace his dad, but I'm doing what I can with what I have.....

The funny thing is, my son is the reason I started over this whole crazy ride called the dating game.  A few summers ago, I was speaking with a dad from his team.  We were at the baseball field.  My very tall and very broad shouldered boy came up behind me, put his arms around my neck in a hugging fashion and glared at the man.  Another time this passed June, I noticed that he had refused to go out with friends because he knew I was going to be alone on a Saturday night.  This is when I knew the time had come for me to do something about this.  He was starting to be over protective of me.  My son needed to see me socialize and frankly, I needed to see me socialize also.  I was feeling great comfort in staying home and doing 'my thing'.

So stepping out of my comfort zone is what I'm doing.  For me and for my boy!  He knows I'm on a dating site (although I'm not sharing all the details with him), he is fine with it.  When I'm going out, he will give his opinion on what matches with an outfit or not.  When I ask him too often he rolls his eyes at me but all and all, he is great.  He is also going to the movies with his friends and to my great pleasure he has told my good friend that 'I would rather see mom go out on a date on a Saturday night than to stay home on the couch to crochet'. 

Although the title of my blog today 'to pee or not to pee' does not reflect the doom and gloom that Hamlet felt in his soliloquy, it does reflect (with the obvious humour) the wanting to 'be' the best that I can be for my son and for me.  There were bumps in the road and there still are challenging turns in that road but I'm driving it the best that I can with what I have and with what I know.... Finding a partner would change everything for my son and I forever.... 

To be single or not to be single, that is the question...

SSW :)