The ET files

When it comes to life, I like sorting things in somewhat of an order...especially in my mind (my house not so much but that's another story).  I categorize my 'official' work stuff in one area of my brain, that area is linked to my 'official' voice, 'official' clothes, 'official' comments, 'official' signatures....well you get the picture.

I then categorize my feelings.  I have my 'mom' heart for my son and I have my 'woman' heart.  I have to admit that 'mom' heart is a lot more organized than the other one! 

I have a special corner in my heart and my brain for my family members, never really filed away, always on the forefront, something like the socks on the floor in my son's room....always there!  ;)

Then I have the part of my brain and heart that takes care of my friends, my pals, my buddies.  I tuck them away, never too far though, with always a little corner sticking out of my filing cabinet (much like my sweaters in my dressers). 

I also have files for my numbers.  I'm blessed (sometimes cursed) with a permanent memory when it comes to numbers.  I write a number, say it or use it once or twice and BAM, I remember it.  It's a real pain when I want to forget someone's phone number (another blog will come along with this comment).

I also have my most complicated file on record in my brain.  I call it the ET file.  This is the Experience-Trust file. In life, after an experience or an event, I always say : 'I will file it under E for experience'.  Unfortunately, after years of saying this, I am now a middle-aged woman with an extremely thick E file.  In fact, it is so thick that sometimes, I have to sit on it, jump on it, squeeeeeeze it down because it is interfering and taking up too much room with my T file.

Now don't get me wrong.  I do not ignore my E file.  I would never do that.  The E file and the warning bells go hand and hand and there is no way that I'm ignoring THAT!  However, something is nagging at me.  I may need to rearrange things around up there (in my brain in case I lost you) because the E file is set too close to the Trust file.  I need to put one in the corner and the other one in the other corner.  Thing is, they always find each other and always connect and compare.  It is a SERIOUS pain in the brain.... 

I have got to start allowing my T file to expand a little bit.  I know that my E file has created havoc and I know that although I can't get rid of the E file, that I cannot let it override the T file.  Do you get that? 

I get it, I understand it, I can explain it, I live it.  But how do I allow the T file to expand? 

I know the answer to that.  I really do.  I just don't want to admit it.   I know that sometimes I've probably had a fake warning bell or a ghost bell ringing.  I suspect my gut wasn't telling me anything (except to stop eating so much cabbage), but my E file (E can also stand for EVIL) stepped in, opened itself up just a little bit and allowed some of its' contents to spill into my T file.  There is some cross-contamination going on in there (again, if you're confused, I'm talking about my brain). 

As I am writing this, I have decided that I now need a new file.  I will call it the M file.  The M file will stand for mitigation.  I need to use the logical part of my brain, the one part that is somewhat-maybe-perhaps-not really-but probably is-linked to the other files. 

As you can tell, my logic is somewhat skewed with it comes to my ET files.  Maybe my M file will help me.  Perhaps I need to open my two ET files together and let them go at it like mad!  Cross contaminate each other for awhile and then, just then will I allow my logic and my M file to step in and decontaminate. 

Really an truly, there is no big secret to the ET files.  I've talked with some men that are super nice but I haven't trusted them because of my past experiences.  I know that this is happening.  I also know exactly the type of mitigation that needs to happen.  I need to start balancing the E file and the T file.  I need to take a chance with my heart whether I want to or not.  I CAN do this....right?  Perhaps, if I'm lucky, taking a chance with my heart will end up filed in my T file.....I don't want to think again of the other filing option....

Mitigating the Experience and the Trust (MET).  Look at that!!  Perhaps that is a good sign!?  Perhaps I will have MET my new partner one day because of these three files....?

I don't know about you but sometimes I think it's a miracle that all I hear up there (yes in my brain) are warning bells......

Despite all of these files, I remain, yours truly in a relatively calm state up there (yes, there),

SSW :)