Paused Mental Stability

While at the gym a few days ago, I was in a very crowded women's change room.  I was leaving while many others, mostly 17-19 year olds were getting ready.  I was doing my thing, changing after my workout and was not really paying attention to anything in particular.

My ear suddenly got tuned into a conversation that was being held between two girls (around 17 years old).  They were talking loudly so that doesn't count as eavesdropping right?  Besides, it was interesting material, possible blog related material, I couldn't just NOT listen when it was so obviously loud....HA.

It seems that one of the girls was upset.  She was upset about a 'F***ken A*S' of a GUY.  Oh oh I thought.  This is not good.  Nothing like an emotionally charged 17 year old girl upset at a GUY!!!!  Don't know about you but if I were that so called A*S of a GUY, I sure as heck would have hidden out for a few days....especially after her declaration 'I'm in PMS too so it's not good ' ! Yikes!!!

She was in PMS, PreMenstrual Syndrome, or as I like to call it Paused Mental Stability.  *sigh*.

Anyways, this lovely teen girl was upset, her voice was cracking and she was on the verge of crying.  He had apparently hurt her badly.  There was another lady in the change room that also noticed the conversation.  This lady was closer in age to me.  We exchanged knowing looks, sympathetic smiles and finished doing our thing......

What could we, as middle aged women, have said to this young hormonal girl.  Mind you, I'm not so sure she is more hormonal that this perimenopausal woman listening to her.... I could teach her a thing or two about Paused Mental Stability!  HA!! 

It's so easy to blame our emotions on hormones isn't it!  I seriously try to avoid the link and I try to take full responsibility for my thoughts and actions instead of blaming those on hormones.... I tried and succeeded for the most part my life up until a few years ago when I discovered that I was not necessarily in charge of those said hormones.  Perimenopause had reared its' ugly head!!! 

You know in cartoons sometimes when you see someone trying to make a decision?  They have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, each telling the person what to do?  Well that happens to me in my brain.  Great you say, another thing happening up there along with all my files! Ha!

For the most part I'm able to make the right decision. I've developed survival mechanisms over the years that have helped me deal with the two voices in my head.  The bitchy complaining one, you know the loud one that gets on your own nerves let alone everyone else's and the other one, the one trying to tell you to shut up and walk away.  Most of the time, depending on how tired I am (and then I just start crying), I'm able to walk away.  Oh I still get some serious Mental Pauses, however, for the most part, I'm fully aware that I'm having an attack of the Paused Mental Stability.   This wisdom of  knowing to walk away and of knowing what is happening is filed in my E file.  This is a good entry to the file.... in fact, it's probably my best entry!  On top of that, this wise knowledge is also stored in my T file.  I sure trust that one let me tell you!

Not only have I learnt to stop talking, bite my tongue and walk away, I have also learnt to never ever make an important decision at THAT time.  Why?  Because the decision is full of emotions, full of hormones and usually not well thought out.  An emotional only decision is usually a bad decision.

I think if I could have said something to that teen girl the other day, it would have been 'give it time, walk away, sleep, talk to your girlfriends, cry, but DO NOT talk to that GUY until you are done your PMS, until your Mental state is not Paused and is once again stable'.  Now obviously I didn't know the full story but I think that this may have been a good starting point for her.  I also know that telling a woman going through PMS that she is in a state of Paused Mental Stability could have indeed caused serious verbal and possible physical assault on my being! 

Now, I will throw in a paragraph for liability purposes.  If you are a naive unsuspecting young man reading this, please do not use my words.  DO NOT approach a woman that is clearly in PMS and tell her that she is in a state of Paused Mental Stability.  Side effects of using such words are as follows:  you may experience being yelled at, you could perhaps get slapped, you may get a cold shoulder for the next week, you may sleep on the couch very far away from the said woman (and for a very long time).  If this woman, the recepient of your words is your mother, you may get punished until you are 35 years old, lose all of your gaming entertainment and get THE speech of your lifetime.  Do not try this at home, at school or at work. (This warning is brought to you by yours truly and by every medical and mental health association you can think of).

This being said, I pride myself on trying to raise a son that is sensitive to a woman's needs (my future daughter in law better thank me one day).  While having one of our many talks years ago about the woman's reproduction system, puberty, monthly cycles and eventual menopause, my 11 year old solemnly declared to me that 'you women are very complicated'.  He was very happy to not have his body go through all of 'those things'.  My boy and I also had a very serious talk about the respect that he must have for such things happening in a woman's body.  For the respect that SHE must have about her own body and that HE, as a boy and eventually as a man must also show to all women.  Much to my delight, I have succeeded in transmitting this message and he is a very respectable young man!

I would be willing to bet that most men are somewhat confused about this whole PMS thing.  Some guys are very uncomfortable and don't say much about it.  Others are crass about it.  There are tons jokes about it.  Some men are repulsed by it, don't believe in it and some are sarcastic and cynical over it. 

I have to say that for the most part, that I have been very lucky with my experience in the men vs PMS stand off.  My late husband was very caring and understanding about it and would often shut up and just hug me.  Now I must note that him being 20 years my senior was an advantage in this case.  He had learnt, through years of experience, that this was probably the safest reaction for him ;)  Because my son was brought up in an open environment, he has also learnt to be gentle and caring with his mother when she is in her state of Paused Mental Stability.

Hormones are a part of our lives whether we want them or not.  I think this young girl from the gym will probably develop her own survival mechanisms when it comes to GUYS in general and when it comes to these said GUYS and her hormones.  She probably won't have a choice in figuring out, identifying and controling her own Paused Mental Stability attacks.

I find as men get older that they are more opened to talking about such things.  So far, the little dating I have done has shown me men that are, for the most part, sympathetic about the whole women and hormones scenario.  Of course at their age they have all had their share of experiences in this matter, so they better be sympathetic ;)

I just had an attack of Paused Mental Stability a few days ago.  My reasoning was shot out the door.  In trying to develop better eating habits I ended up gaining 7lbs in 3 weeks.  Needless to say, if you refer to my entry (U Can't Touch This) this gain was not welcomed and was met with much frustration and anxiety.  However, I have adjusted the errors made in my diet and also realized (with some relief) that my perimenopausal state and fluid retention had caused a bit of this gain.

Now that I've sorted this out,  I have filed the knowledge that perimenopause is IN FACT EVIL AND HATEFUL (oops I was shouting).  Let me try again.  I have registered into my E-file, that hormones levels during perimenopause can sometimes make me gain.  I should now be able to control future attacks of my Paused Mental Stability caused by weight gain around THAT time (it's hard not to raise your voice while talking about THAT THING). 

Back to the girl from the gym, I truly hope that she, (along with every other girl and women) notices her reactions at that special time of the month and that she remembers what works and what doesn't work in trying to control her attitude.  It could mean a big difference in how she feels about herself and how other important people in her life (such as that GUY) feels about her.

Now I DON'T CARE if it's -40 outside, OPEN A WINDOW, I'm having a hot flash.....

Signed, yours in a currently mild state of Paused Mental Stability.

SSW :)


Gotta love Maxine!