Meet my perfect partner.....

How easy is it to be lonely?  How easy is it to let oneself become bored because of loneliness?  How easy is it to be lonely in a crowded room and yes, even be lonely within a relationship? 

The answer to those questions can be answered by one word and one word only:  'Very'.

I suspect that one of the major and more serious problems of this internet dating world is that people are settling because of loneliness.  They settle, they expect you to settle and then when it doesn't work out, they wonder what is wrong with them or what is wrong with the other person.

When you absolutely and totally refuse to settle though, what happens?  Well, the one thing that happens is that you get called fussy or picky.  To all my friends that call me that, it's ok, I can handle it ;)

There are other social things that happen.  You start feeling like a third wheel to all of your married or coupled friend.  When that happens, you then start pulling back a little to avoid feeling like that said third wheel and especially to avoid making the couple feel bad for your singlehood (there is nothing worse than that).  I have absolutely amazing friends and I'm not complaining.  This is my perception and it has nothing to do with the friends per say.  The danger socially though is to isolate yourself too much.  You need to be aware.....

There are actually physical and physiological effects to loneliness.  A quick google search on the subject will show you words like depression, addiction, weight gain, high blood pressure and increase to your risk of strokes.  It can speed aging, it can increase your stress, decrease your memory and learning, can create antisocial behavior, can lead to poor decision-making, can actually progress alzheimer's disease and it can alter brain function to name a few.

This is a scary list.  You need to really take a minute and think about this.  Wow it's scary!

Yet, I still don't think that it's wise to settle for just anyone in order to get rid of this loneliness. 

Take tonight for example.  I was invited out to dinner by Mr Handsome.  Remember him?  The depressed guy?  I talked about him in my entry 'Ding Dong the bells are ringing'.  I have already determined that Mr Handsome is not right for me.  I know that it will not go anywhere with him because he is not at a good place right now and we don't want the same things (he doesn't know what he wants). 

How easy would it have been for me to accept this date tonight?  You already know that he is a nice man, that I like him but.....  My goal in finding a potential partner needs to stay focused on just that, my goal.  I can't start building friendships based on someone else's needs and just because I want to be with someone.  This would perhaps be a short term cure to loneliness but a long term headache in terms of what I want and of what Mr Handsome would eventually expect.  Yes, of course I could develop a friendship with him or anyone else, and although friendship is definitely a first step, it is not my ultimate goal.

So what is the solution?  99% of the time I know the solution.  I keep busy and I'm quite happy to do 'my' thing.  I try to find the balance with my social life with my married friends, I remember to exercise and to watch for the signs of boredom or loneliness when I'm standing in front of my cupboard looking for food, I leave the wine bottle corked most of the time, I'm aware of signs of extreme restlessness and I've learnt to outlet my energy through exercise mostly.  I sometimes force myself to read or to watch a movie.  I have authors that I keep in mind just for those moments when I KNOW that I will NEED a good read to keep my mind busy.  Thus, I have developed sane and healthy ways of keeping the rare but still existant signs of loneliness at bay.

Yes my dear readers, I have found my perfect partner.....ME. 

'ME' is the perfect partner just in case I do not find my Mr Right.  Hopefully it will perhaps assure that I don't fall for Mr Wrong.

In his hierarchy of needs, Abraham Maslow describes self-actualization as
such:

"What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization…It refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming."

A good thing that is happening I think is that my personal journey toward self-actualization keeps on developing.  I might as well strive to become the best of who I can be in the ways that I think are best....

I am 100% convinced that my relationship with the most important person in my life (me), is the one thing that will keep me sane.  This healthy relationship with  myself assures me that I do not develop a sense of desperateness that I so often see on dating sites.

This realization on my part is probably the easiest to forget.  My perfect partner has a tendency to think too much and can sometimes get overwhelmed by her thoughts.  I think I will come back and read this entry to her once in awhile.  It may help out when the feelings of loneliness overcome her......

Now where is that book I was reading....

 

SSW :)