"Ding Dong" the bells are ringing......

In my latest post, I refered to the warning bells going off all around me.  I've come to appreciate those bells over the years.  Sometimes I've hated them though, but that is for another blog....

Seing that I work in the 'people' field and seing that my educational background is in the 'people' field, I have therefore developed through experience a very strong gut instinct.  That instinct or that warning bell as I call it has gotten me out of trouble at times.  I've learnt to listen to my instinct, to believe my instinct and to trust it completely.

Now take this information I just gave you about me and my instinct and let's link it to dating.  *SIGH*.  Did you hear that sigh?  It was a loud one eh?

There are an incredible amount of men out there that are looking for sex and for sex only.  Some are clearly obvious but others are way smoother about it.  Take my outing tonight for example.  Let's call him Mr handsome.  Now Mr handsome is, well, handsome.  Yes, he is 10 years my senior (I knew you were wondering).  He is respectful, kind, smart, funny, a gentleman and he has George Clooney eyes that I can't really look at without blushing.  Tonight was our second outing.  We went for a walk in the mall because it's too cold outside. 

My warning bells had gone off the first time I met him.  He went on too much about how attracted he was to me.  Nothing wrong with that, however, there is a time and place for that and a first meeting is not THAT time (think of the pee scenario in my last blog).  Anyways, after the meeting, when I got back home,  I told him I didn't think that we were looking for the same thing.  To my dismay, he apologized, told me that he was used to having women fall for him and that he had made a serious error with me.  I said fine and I  thought it was over.....but he continued to pursue me.

Now my warning bells were a little bit confused.  This smooth (oh yes, he is smooth) Mr handsome back pedalled quite a bit.  It was my turn to figure out IF he was being honest or IF he was playing the chasing game.  My warning bells were clanging all over the place, it was a real cacophony of sounds but something else was nagging at me.  My gut was telling me that he had realized that I was not looking for a sex only thing.  That is good right?  Wrong?  The bells continued to ring.

So the ringing of the bells are due to something.  Is it paranoia?  Am I having trust issues (I've often questioned this)?  Is he playing a chasing game that he thinks he will win?  Or is it something else?  Hmmmm.  I know enough that if the bells are singing that something is up.  Not sure what, but something is up.  At this point, there is no way that I can back out without knowing why the bells are ringing.  So I decided to give it a second try.

So let's go back to earlier tonight when I met with him for my mall walk.  Bells were relatively quiet but still present.  He was respectful, talked about this and that, was kind and interested in what I had to say.  Then it hit me. The bells suddenly quieten.....  This man is depressed.  He is clearly depressed.  I swear, I did not over analyze anything (HA).  It just hit me like a brick wall.

When I got home, I was bound and determined to tell him that I didn't think he was ready for a relationship of any kind.  I wrote to him and told him just that.  He asked me why of course and then I offered to give him my opinion.

He asked me to call him.  On the phone I said 'Mr handsome, it is of my opinion and my opinion only that you have many many symptoms of depression'.  Much to my surprise he agreed with me and told me he had been battling with it for about 4 months now.  He then decided to blurt out his life story to me *sigh*.  I will spare you the details.

Anyways, long story short, I strongly suggested a talk with his family doctor.  I think I may have convinced him. To his credit, he was actually man enough to apologize once again for the comments on attraction on our first meeting.  He actually had enough insight to tell me that perhaps he was going at it the wrong way in curing his own feeling of sadness and loneliness. 

There are no warning bells going off as I state to you that this is a nice man.  He is however not at a good place right now to even consider a relationship....  the only relationship he needs to work on at the moment is with himself. 

I won't be seeing him again.  I may talk to him a bit because he is nice, but I know deep down that he is not THE one.

Warning bells win again!  The orchestra is silenced.  I'm so happy that I trust my instincts and that I trust my bells..... I am no ding dong!

Signed, from a 'warning bell' free world (for the moment).

SSW :)