On the verge....

You cannot believe how close I presently am to deleting my dating profile.  I hid it a few days ago though and cannot be found in the website's search engine.

A few people, those that know me well, asked me how I was doing today.  It seems that I looked pensive.  I'm not so sure as to what they saw (they are not readers of this blog) but apparently I wasn't myself at work.   A little quieter perhaps.

When I first started this dating thing it was to meet someone, someone with whom I could perhaps maybe one day share a life.  It's turning out to be a bit more stressful than anticipated.  Sure I know the ups and downs of being in a relationship, but wow, I never thought that it would be so tiring and so demanding to simply date and meet people.

I have been thinking about Mr 2G2BT.  In my last entry 'Back to zero', I wrote to you that Mr 2G2BT told me that he did not want a relationship anymore, that he was questioning but  'that if he did, he would like it to be with me.' 

C'mon now!  I did not just fall off the turnip truck.  Obviously Mr 2G2BT is in fact living up to his name.  That was a bad line on his part.....  I'm choosing to ignore it because at the end of the day, it is not worth the stress to confront it.  Mr 2G2BT is dating others (as I am) and has stated in the past (as early as two weeks ago) that in fact he wanted a long term relationship.  Now, he doesn't?  Hmmmm.  Quite the switch eh?  Say what you want, want what you say and mean it.....2G2BT indeed!  Ding Dong....oh look, it's that darn bell..... 

Now before anyone tells me that maybe he is really having doubts as to what he wants, I want to reply that this is happening way to much on a dating site.  Men, lots of them, say they want one thing but when they start either pushing the sex envelope or when they don't get what they want quickly enough, they change their status as to not wanting a serious relationship anymore. Yes, maybe Mr 2G2BT suddenly got confused as to what he really wanted but the cynical part of me is not seeing that right now....

I will not evoke the files again tonight because I don't want to talk about experiences and the trust that I'm trying to develop.  I do want to point out though that my use of the file analogy is simply a way for me to explain to you in writing what it is I'm thinking and what it is I'm experiencing up there (yes there.....lol).

No, tonight, I'm just casually sharing with you that I'm a bit discouraged at it all and frankly at this point would prefer to be alone for the rest of my life than to do any more of this ongoing 'trying' to date thing.

Mr Friend (I talked to you about Mr Friend in my entry 'This is a TEST, this is ONLY a test'), texted me today.  He wanted to know what was happening with me and my dating life.  He specifically wanted to know about Mr 2G2BT.  I told him the latest development....  He encouraged me to continue dating and to wait until someone stands out as being a good connection.  Mr Friend also encouraged me to have fun with Mr Dangerous because life is too short.  Mr Friend had me chuckling. 

He does not show his stress and his loneliness but I know Mr Friend enough to know that he is feeling it.  He has a much more casual approach to it all than I do but still, we are both seeking the same thing.  Sometimes I wonder if in fact Mr Friend's approach is not the better one though....Perhaps a better avenue to it all would be to find the balance between his approach and mine.... 

Nevertheless, a break is still being had on my part.  That being said, I met Mr Surprise yesterday afternoon.  He's the one that I told you about in my last entry.  The man with whom I've been talking for quite some time but he did not want to meet a woman with children.  He turned out to be quite a surprise because I was not expecting him to be so interesting.  Let's see what surprises Mr Surprise has in store for me.....

Mr Dangerous is texting me daily and has called me a few times to say hi.  If I meet him, it will be in public, if I meet him it will be in public, if I meet him it will be in public.....hahaha!

I've been knitting and doing my thing.  Feels good though, feels comfortable.  I'm allowing myself to slip back into my comfort zone for now.  I haven't decided how long I will stay there.  Maybe a few days, a few weeks, maybe forever.....  we will see....

Signed semi-comfortably yours,

SSW :)