Now before I start writing, I will immediately tell you that I already know what you will all be thinking by the end of this entry to my blog ! You will all say 'SSW, you are cynical'. I know you will say it so I decided to say it before you! So THERE! HA! Thing is, I sort of agree with you all!
I went out tonight after a two week break. I met Mr Too Good To Be True.
Mr 2G2BT is almost 53 years old, kind, gentle, intelligent, witty, funny, very presentable, respectful, attentive and wayyyyy too, too, too.....hmmmm, I don't know what to write..... way too SOMETHING! I don't know, I can't put my finger on it. He definitely earned the title of Mr 2G2BT though.
Now you may ask 'Were your bells ringing'? My answer is a resounding 'no' (well yes but only because I think he is 2G2BT). So I know that you are now concluding, (as I am by the way) that my T file has been closed shut, jumped on and kidnapped by my E file. I admit that the possibility has crossed my mind. *sigh*.
BUT!!! (Did you hear that BUT)? The good news is that for the first time ever, I have put an entry in my M file. The mitigation process has begun and my E file is trembling, entries are flying all over the place in there (yes, in my brain). I have NOT jumped to any conclusion (well apart from the fact that he is 2G2BT) and more importantly, I have not already given up on him. In fact, the bells are not ringing too loudly. To be honest, I haven't really found anything wrong with him. Yes my dear readers I think I may actually be faced with a ghost warning bell! A FAKE! My M file is looking into it, spectacles positioned for thorough examination, pen poised and ready to take notes in this, the file's first entry! (My files have a very definite persona).
My M file has already made me realize that my T file may in fact be too scared to open up right now because this guy is really 2G2BT! Something to think about.....
I'm nervous about this. I'm also at an hormonal time (blog on hormones coming up soon) and I know for a fact (as I will discuss in this future blog) that I WILL NOT BE MAKING ANY DECISIONS WHATSOEVER WHILE I'M BEING HORMONAL! Oops, sorry, did I yell that!!!?? I'm sorry for yelling..... don't be upset with me for yelling or I may cry a little or a lot, (darn hormones).... anyways, I digress.
Mr 2G2BT has an excellent career, is quite knowledgeable in his field, talks like a father that cares about his young adult children, seems to love his work and could talk his way out of anything (and probably into anything also). He is a happy person, content and very clear as to what he wants out of life.
Just so you all know, my M file is writing furiously at this time. The E file is in one corner sulking (that M file can be vicious in her demands) and the T file is in the other corner, completely emotionless at the moment. Things are pretty tense up there (yes there). But I won't worry about it and I will let the M file take care of things for the time being.
Only time will tell. I'm seeing Mr 2G2BT again on Saturday for an outing at the gym and then out to dinner.
I have to admit that I was shocked to see the time when I left the restaurant tonight. I met him at 7h30 pm and when I peeked at the time in the car on my way back, it was almost 11h00 pm. I honestly did not see the time go by...... I am staying away from deep analysis on this (aren't you all proud of me)? I've delegated this task to my M file. Besides, deep analysis while hormonal is dangerous not only for me but for anyone around me..... HA!
I have nothing else to say except let's see what comes out of this....
Stay tuned....
Yours in uncertainty,
SSW :)
Thursday, 17 January 2013
Wednesday, 16 January 2013
Mr,Mrs, master, mistress
I listened to an interview this morning on my way to work. The person being interviewed was a transgendered man. He had a very interesting story. What made it even more fascinating for me was that I know his family. In my small community, it is really not surprising.
The interview got me thinking about the differences in our lives. Some of us have issues that are more hidden than others.....
This woman, formerly man being interviewed this morning was living a double presentation of her life. Those were her words. She did not see herself as two people but as someone having to present herself in two different fashions, depending on who she was with. For the public in general, she was a woman and for her family, she was still a man. She was having more difficulties in having her family accept her changes.
In my 'To pee or not to pee' entry, I presented to you a few individuals that I met in the past. I forgot to tell you about Mr Submissive. Mr Sub was a very highly placed member of my community. He was a major decision maker in his work. It took him about 5 outings to admit to me that he was looking for a dominatrix, for someone to call mistress and for him to be a slave. Now this was no fun and games for him, he was extremely serious, to the point of giving me (believe it or not) a paddle to slap his butt. Yes, you read right. During our 5th date, in a restaurant he gave me a paddle in a bag. He then proceeded to tell me that he would not speak unless spoken to and that he would always seek out my permission to talk to anyone when we were together. This happened about 9 or 10 years ago. I have to admit that our dinner ended up being pretty quiet..... The only interruption was from me trying to control my giggling.
Is any of you finding this hard to believe? Why do I have to be the one meeting Mr Sub and Mr Happy Feet and Mr Podiatrist? How about the stoned fireman and the one that wanted to pee on me? Where the heck is Mr Right?? Anyways....just needed to throw this paragraph in!!
Now as stated before, I am very open minded, but in my defence, Mr Submissive's request came out of nowhere. I wasn't laughing at him, but I was quite uncomfortable thus causing the giggling. He also wanted to serve me, do my laundry, run my errands, etc. You want to talk temptation?! Ha!
I'm all for fun and games in a couple. I am open minded and what happens behind closed doors is up to the couple. I was not and am still not ready to become a dominatrix, even if I would have 'seriously studied' the subject as Mr Submissive had suggested.
Being educated in and also working in the people field, I did look up the world of sub-dom though. I am far from being an expert on the subject but what I did read about it back then was fascinating....
The interview from the transgendered lady this morning reminded me of Mr Sub and both situations got me thinking again about honesty when meeting people. I've been writing about being honest and upfront and about the fine line between total honesty in what you want and in what you are and the need to hold back a little bit as you get to know people.
I cannot begin to imagine how difficult it must be for some people to face their own realities. How does a lady, that used to be a man, meet a man for a relationship? I suspect that it may be easier (especially in a bigger city) for the submissive to find a dominatrix but how socially acceptable is it? Indeed, how difficult it must be for many....
There are many people in my life that are homosexual. When you stop and think about it, you must realize that it must be so difficult for them also in a small community (or even in a bigger one I'm sure). It is sad that generally speaking, we have not evolved enough as a human species, never mind as a society, to accept all of mankind. Of course many many people accept others as they are and we cannot forget that either.
Let's take a minute, let's close our eyes and let's imagine how life would be if we fully accepted the transgendered, the dom-sub, the homosexuals, the foot fetish people etc.... Let's allow our empathy to reach a new level. Let's put ourselves in their shoes for a minute.
I don't know about all of you, but this little exercise makes me realize a few things. Firstly, not to belittle my own issues, but it certainly puts my trust concerns in perspective doesn't it? Secondly, how much better life would be if we could all accept each other as we were.
There is enough stress and sadness in the world, why must we unnecessarily pile more of it on ourselves? Does the other person's sexual preference or orientation really make that much of a difference in our life?
As long as there is mutual respect in any relationship, I firmly believe that we should just concentrate on our own lives and let the others live their own.....
Generally speaking, empathy leads us to accept and respect others.
Just a thought...
SSW :)
The interview got me thinking about the differences in our lives. Some of us have issues that are more hidden than others.....
This woman, formerly man being interviewed this morning was living a double presentation of her life. Those were her words. She did not see herself as two people but as someone having to present herself in two different fashions, depending on who she was with. For the public in general, she was a woman and for her family, she was still a man. She was having more difficulties in having her family accept her changes.
In my 'To pee or not to pee' entry, I presented to you a few individuals that I met in the past. I forgot to tell you about Mr Submissive. Mr Sub was a very highly placed member of my community. He was a major decision maker in his work. It took him about 5 outings to admit to me that he was looking for a dominatrix, for someone to call mistress and for him to be a slave. Now this was no fun and games for him, he was extremely serious, to the point of giving me (believe it or not) a paddle to slap his butt. Yes, you read right. During our 5th date, in a restaurant he gave me a paddle in a bag. He then proceeded to tell me that he would not speak unless spoken to and that he would always seek out my permission to talk to anyone when we were together. This happened about 9 or 10 years ago. I have to admit that our dinner ended up being pretty quiet..... The only interruption was from me trying to control my giggling.
Is any of you finding this hard to believe? Why do I have to be the one meeting Mr Sub and Mr Happy Feet and Mr Podiatrist? How about the stoned fireman and the one that wanted to pee on me? Where the heck is Mr Right?? Anyways....just needed to throw this paragraph in!!
Now as stated before, I am very open minded, but in my defence, Mr Submissive's request came out of nowhere. I wasn't laughing at him, but I was quite uncomfortable thus causing the giggling. He also wanted to serve me, do my laundry, run my errands, etc. You want to talk temptation?! Ha!
I'm all for fun and games in a couple. I am open minded and what happens behind closed doors is up to the couple. I was not and am still not ready to become a dominatrix, even if I would have 'seriously studied' the subject as Mr Submissive had suggested.
Being educated in and also working in the people field, I did look up the world of sub-dom though. I am far from being an expert on the subject but what I did read about it back then was fascinating....
The interview from the transgendered lady this morning reminded me of Mr Sub and both situations got me thinking again about honesty when meeting people. I've been writing about being honest and upfront and about the fine line between total honesty in what you want and in what you are and the need to hold back a little bit as you get to know people.
I cannot begin to imagine how difficult it must be for some people to face their own realities. How does a lady, that used to be a man, meet a man for a relationship? I suspect that it may be easier (especially in a bigger city) for the submissive to find a dominatrix but how socially acceptable is it? Indeed, how difficult it must be for many....
There are many people in my life that are homosexual. When you stop and think about it, you must realize that it must be so difficult for them also in a small community (or even in a bigger one I'm sure). It is sad that generally speaking, we have not evolved enough as a human species, never mind as a society, to accept all of mankind. Of course many many people accept others as they are and we cannot forget that either.
Let's take a minute, let's close our eyes and let's imagine how life would be if we fully accepted the transgendered, the dom-sub, the homosexuals, the foot fetish people etc.... Let's allow our empathy to reach a new level. Let's put ourselves in their shoes for a minute.
I don't know about all of you, but this little exercise makes me realize a few things. Firstly, not to belittle my own issues, but it certainly puts my trust concerns in perspective doesn't it? Secondly, how much better life would be if we could all accept each other as we were.
There is enough stress and sadness in the world, why must we unnecessarily pile more of it on ourselves? Does the other person's sexual preference or orientation really make that much of a difference in our life?
As long as there is mutual respect in any relationship, I firmly believe that we should just concentrate on our own lives and let the others live their own.....
Generally speaking, empathy leads us to accept and respect others.
Just a thought...
SSW :)
Sunday, 13 January 2013
Theme week!?
Two entries ago, I talked about Mr Podiatrist and his foot fetish. Little did I know that this would turn into theme week for me. I kid you not that I have had two other foot fetish men contact me. I'm seriously starting to wonder if someone is playing a joke on me......
It got me thinking though. One of those gentlemen, Mr Happy Feet was very concerned with what I knew about foot fetishes. Well little did he know that I had just made some research on it for my blog. For a split second I thought of giving him the link ......
I was curious to see why it was so important for him to know what I knew about this interest of his. I told him the little that I did know and much to my surprise, he didn't care at all about the size or the condition of the feet. No, there's a whole different category of feet lovers out there and they want to be walked on. What an education for me.
I had actually heard about this before and of course was interested as to what would make someone want that? Again, I really don't care what you like or what turns you on but if you are talking to me about it, I will ask questions and I'm going to want to learn.
I exchanged a few emails with Mr Happy Feet and as it turns out, he calls himself a gentle caring man and he is sick and tired of having women take advantage of his good nature. Now, not to be overly mean here but this does beg the comment......'Mr Happy Feet is tired of having women walk all over him'! (HA).
I did ask him on which part of his body he liked to be walked on and he said absolutely anywhere. That the pressure was great, the feeling of being walked on was great and the shoes, oh the shoes (I could almost hear him gasp out of excitement through his email) were terrific. The view he had of the ladies when he was being walked on was also exciting he stated (ahem).
*sigh*. Where do I begin? If this man would have introduced himself in a 'normal' (for lack of a better word) fashion, I would have continued emailing him. He seemed nice enough, looked good in his pictures, had a sense of humour, was educated etc... But as it stood, he laid all of his cards on the table and this in turn made me fold and leave the game. Walking all over a man, literally and figuratively is not my thing. No judgement on my part, just not my thing. I did make a point of asking him though if the getting-walked-on part was what he was looking for the most. He replied that it was not, but that it was a very important element. One that eventually had to be developed in his relationship.
I can't help but wonder if he has the right way of approaching this or not though. If everyone decided to lay their cards on the table right away, what would happen? If Mr Handsome would have told me from the get go that he was depressed and that he did not know what he wanted, would I have bothered even trying? If Mr Coach would have stated that he had some anger issues and that he liked to control people, would I have gone out with him for two weeks? If I would say from the get go 'I'm probably not going to trust you', would it work? No of course it wouldn't work.
Each and everyone one of us daters would have every weekend free, the internet dating websites would be empty and more importantly, where would I get my material for my blog? ;)
There's obviously a fine balance between total honesty and holding back. This internet dating thing has been called a game and not to be cynical but it seems that we need to play the game very carefully so that we don't get burnt or stepped on (sorry, again I couldn't resist).
Is Mr Happy Feet being too direct in his approach? Would I have been disappointed if after 3-4 months of dating him that I would have realized that he wanted me to walk on him? I seriously doubt that he would have lasted that long without telling me but that is not the point. I think that Mr Happy Feet took a gamble. He is a perfectly nice person with a fetish and he took a gamble to bring it out into the open immediately.
Most of us try to remediate our 'issues'. Whether we are single or not, I think that we all have a problem that need to be considered at one point in our lives. Some try to hide the issues, some lie about them, some don't even realize that they have them and some people, well they blog about them :)
How to approach a stranger is a continuous learning process. Some are very direct, some are more cautious, some go too fast some go too slow, some lie to others and more importantly lie to themselves. However, the people I feel sorry for the most are the people that don't try at all. They purposely isolate themselves for fear of dealing with their issues.
Many many people are caught up in their loneliness. Whether this solitude be felt by someone who is already in a couple or someone that is single, loneliness can be kicked out of your lives for good by communicating and more importantly by trying....
I thoroughly admire Mr Happy Feet. He put himself out there and he took a gamble with what he wanted! He was honest about it and more importantly he did not lead any women on for months on end. Who knows, he may very well meet someone who absolutely has the need to walk all over him.... I say this in all seriousness. You truly never know who is out there waiting for you....
Do not be that person that isolates yourself out of fear of your own issues. Read about your issues, educate yourself on them, seek help, talk, grow, learn, blog, do what you want but at least do something!!
There are people in this world that want to be physically stepped on. Most people would never ever accept to have someone step on them. However, many allow their issues to weigh them down and to take control of their beings....
Let us all be in control of our beings and of our issues shall we?
SSW :)
It got me thinking though. One of those gentlemen, Mr Happy Feet was very concerned with what I knew about foot fetishes. Well little did he know that I had just made some research on it for my blog. For a split second I thought of giving him the link ......
I was curious to see why it was so important for him to know what I knew about this interest of his. I told him the little that I did know and much to my surprise, he didn't care at all about the size or the condition of the feet. No, there's a whole different category of feet lovers out there and they want to be walked on. What an education for me.
I had actually heard about this before and of course was interested as to what would make someone want that? Again, I really don't care what you like or what turns you on but if you are talking to me about it, I will ask questions and I'm going to want to learn.
I exchanged a few emails with Mr Happy Feet and as it turns out, he calls himself a gentle caring man and he is sick and tired of having women take advantage of his good nature. Now, not to be overly mean here but this does beg the comment......'Mr Happy Feet is tired of having women walk all over him'! (HA).
I did ask him on which part of his body he liked to be walked on and he said absolutely anywhere. That the pressure was great, the feeling of being walked on was great and the shoes, oh the shoes (I could almost hear him gasp out of excitement through his email) were terrific. The view he had of the ladies when he was being walked on was also exciting he stated (ahem).
*sigh*. Where do I begin? If this man would have introduced himself in a 'normal' (for lack of a better word) fashion, I would have continued emailing him. He seemed nice enough, looked good in his pictures, had a sense of humour, was educated etc... But as it stood, he laid all of his cards on the table and this in turn made me fold and leave the game. Walking all over a man, literally and figuratively is not my thing. No judgement on my part, just not my thing. I did make a point of asking him though if the getting-walked-on part was what he was looking for the most. He replied that it was not, but that it was a very important element. One that eventually had to be developed in his relationship.
I can't help but wonder if he has the right way of approaching this or not though. If everyone decided to lay their cards on the table right away, what would happen? If Mr Handsome would have told me from the get go that he was depressed and that he did not know what he wanted, would I have bothered even trying? If Mr Coach would have stated that he had some anger issues and that he liked to control people, would I have gone out with him for two weeks? If I would say from the get go 'I'm probably not going to trust you', would it work? No of course it wouldn't work.
Each and everyone one of us daters would have every weekend free, the internet dating websites would be empty and more importantly, where would I get my material for my blog? ;)
There's obviously a fine balance between total honesty and holding back. This internet dating thing has been called a game and not to be cynical but it seems that we need to play the game very carefully so that we don't get burnt or stepped on (sorry, again I couldn't resist).
Is Mr Happy Feet being too direct in his approach? Would I have been disappointed if after 3-4 months of dating him that I would have realized that he wanted me to walk on him? I seriously doubt that he would have lasted that long without telling me but that is not the point. I think that Mr Happy Feet took a gamble. He is a perfectly nice person with a fetish and he took a gamble to bring it out into the open immediately.
Most of us try to remediate our 'issues'. Whether we are single or not, I think that we all have a problem that need to be considered at one point in our lives. Some try to hide the issues, some lie about them, some don't even realize that they have them and some people, well they blog about them :)
How to approach a stranger is a continuous learning process. Some are very direct, some are more cautious, some go too fast some go too slow, some lie to others and more importantly lie to themselves. However, the people I feel sorry for the most are the people that don't try at all. They purposely isolate themselves for fear of dealing with their issues.
Many many people are caught up in their loneliness. Whether this solitude be felt by someone who is already in a couple or someone that is single, loneliness can be kicked out of your lives for good by communicating and more importantly by trying....
I thoroughly admire Mr Happy Feet. He put himself out there and he took a gamble with what he wanted! He was honest about it and more importantly he did not lead any women on for months on end. Who knows, he may very well meet someone who absolutely has the need to walk all over him.... I say this in all seriousness. You truly never know who is out there waiting for you....
Do not be that person that isolates yourself out of fear of your own issues. Read about your issues, educate yourself on them, seek help, talk, grow, learn, blog, do what you want but at least do something!!
There are people in this world that want to be physically stepped on. Most people would never ever accept to have someone step on them. However, many allow their issues to weigh them down and to take control of their beings....
Let us all be in control of our beings and of our issues shall we?
SSW :)
Friday, 11 January 2013
Meet my perfect partner.....
How easy is it to be lonely? How easy is it to let oneself become bored because of loneliness? How easy is it to be lonely in a crowded room and yes, even be lonely within a relationship?
The answer to those questions can be answered by one word and one word only: 'Very'.
I suspect that one of the major and more serious problems of this internet dating world is that people are settling because of loneliness. They settle, they expect you to settle and then when it doesn't work out, they wonder what is wrong with them or what is wrong with the other person.
When you absolutely and totally refuse to settle though, what happens? Well, the one thing that happens is that you get called fussy or picky. To all my friends that call me that, it's ok, I can handle it ;)
There are other social things that happen. You start feeling like a third wheel to all of your married or coupled friend. When that happens, you then start pulling back a little to avoid feeling like that said third wheel and especially to avoid making the couple feel bad for your singlehood (there is nothing worse than that). I have absolutely amazing friends and I'm not complaining. This is my perception and it has nothing to do with the friends per say. The danger socially though is to isolate yourself too much. You need to be aware.....
There are actually physical and physiological effects to loneliness. A quick google search on the subject will show you words like depression, addiction, weight gain, high blood pressure and increase to your risk of strokes. It can speed aging, it can increase your stress, decrease your memory and learning, can create antisocial behavior, can lead to poor decision-making, can actually progress alzheimer's disease and it can alter brain function to name a few.
This is a scary list. You need to really take a minute and think about this. Wow it's scary!
Yet, I still don't think that it's wise to settle for just anyone in order to get rid of this loneliness.
Take tonight for example. I was invited out to dinner by Mr Handsome. Remember him? The depressed guy? I talked about him in my entry 'Ding Dong the bells are ringing'. I have already determined that Mr Handsome is not right for me. I know that it will not go anywhere with him because he is not at a good place right now and we don't want the same things (he doesn't know what he wants).
How easy would it have been for me to accept this date tonight? You already know that he is a nice man, that I like him but..... My goal in finding a potential partner needs to stay focused on just that, my goal. I can't start building friendships based on someone else's needs and just because I want to be with someone. This would perhaps be a short term cure to loneliness but a long term headache in terms of what I want and of what Mr Handsome would eventually expect. Yes, of course I could develop a friendship with him or anyone else, and although friendship is definitely a first step, it is not my ultimate goal.
So what is the solution? 99% of the time I know the solution. I keep busy and I'm quite happy to do 'my' thing. I try to find the balance with my social life with my married friends, I remember to exercise and to watch for the signs of boredom or loneliness when I'm standing in front of my cupboard looking for food, I leave the wine bottle corked most of the time, I'm aware of signs of extreme restlessness and I've learnt to outlet my energy through exercise mostly. I sometimes force myself to read or to watch a movie. I have authors that I keep in mind just for those moments when I KNOW that I will NEED a good read to keep my mind busy. Thus, I have developed sane and healthy ways of keeping the rare but still existant signs of loneliness at bay.
Yes my dear readers, I have found my perfect partner.....ME.
'ME' is the perfect partner just in case I do not find my Mr Right. Hopefully it will perhaps assure that I don't fall for Mr Wrong.
In his hierarchy of needs, Abraham Maslow describes self-actualization as
such:
"What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization…It refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming."
A good thing that is happening I think is that my personal journey toward self-actualization keeps on developing. I might as well strive to become the best of who I can be in the ways that I think are best....
I am 100% convinced that my relationship with the most important person in my life (me), is the one thing that will keep me sane. This healthy relationship with myself assures me that I do not develop a sense of desperateness that I so often see on dating sites.
This realization on my part is probably the easiest to forget. My perfect partner has a tendency to think too much and can sometimes get overwhelmed by her thoughts. I think I will come back and read this entry to her once in awhile. It may help out when the feelings of loneliness overcome her......
Now where is that book I was reading....
SSW :)
The answer to those questions can be answered by one word and one word only: 'Very'.
I suspect that one of the major and more serious problems of this internet dating world is that people are settling because of loneliness. They settle, they expect you to settle and then when it doesn't work out, they wonder what is wrong with them or what is wrong with the other person.
When you absolutely and totally refuse to settle though, what happens? Well, the one thing that happens is that you get called fussy or picky. To all my friends that call me that, it's ok, I can handle it ;)
There are other social things that happen. You start feeling like a third wheel to all of your married or coupled friend. When that happens, you then start pulling back a little to avoid feeling like that said third wheel and especially to avoid making the couple feel bad for your singlehood (there is nothing worse than that). I have absolutely amazing friends and I'm not complaining. This is my perception and it has nothing to do with the friends per say. The danger socially though is to isolate yourself too much. You need to be aware.....
There are actually physical and physiological effects to loneliness. A quick google search on the subject will show you words like depression, addiction, weight gain, high blood pressure and increase to your risk of strokes. It can speed aging, it can increase your stress, decrease your memory and learning, can create antisocial behavior, can lead to poor decision-making, can actually progress alzheimer's disease and it can alter brain function to name a few.
This is a scary list. You need to really take a minute and think about this. Wow it's scary!
Yet, I still don't think that it's wise to settle for just anyone in order to get rid of this loneliness.
Take tonight for example. I was invited out to dinner by Mr Handsome. Remember him? The depressed guy? I talked about him in my entry 'Ding Dong the bells are ringing'. I have already determined that Mr Handsome is not right for me. I know that it will not go anywhere with him because he is not at a good place right now and we don't want the same things (he doesn't know what he wants).
How easy would it have been for me to accept this date tonight? You already know that he is a nice man, that I like him but..... My goal in finding a potential partner needs to stay focused on just that, my goal. I can't start building friendships based on someone else's needs and just because I want to be with someone. This would perhaps be a short term cure to loneliness but a long term headache in terms of what I want and of what Mr Handsome would eventually expect. Yes, of course I could develop a friendship with him or anyone else, and although friendship is definitely a first step, it is not my ultimate goal.
So what is the solution? 99% of the time I know the solution. I keep busy and I'm quite happy to do 'my' thing. I try to find the balance with my social life with my married friends, I remember to exercise and to watch for the signs of boredom or loneliness when I'm standing in front of my cupboard looking for food, I leave the wine bottle corked most of the time, I'm aware of signs of extreme restlessness and I've learnt to outlet my energy through exercise mostly. I sometimes force myself to read or to watch a movie. I have authors that I keep in mind just for those moments when I KNOW that I will NEED a good read to keep my mind busy. Thus, I have developed sane and healthy ways of keeping the rare but still existant signs of loneliness at bay.
Yes my dear readers, I have found my perfect partner.....ME.
'ME' is the perfect partner just in case I do not find my Mr Right. Hopefully it will perhaps assure that I don't fall for Mr Wrong.
In his hierarchy of needs, Abraham Maslow describes self-actualization as
such:
"What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization…It refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming."
A good thing that is happening I think is that my personal journey toward self-actualization keeps on developing. I might as well strive to become the best of who I can be in the ways that I think are best....
I am 100% convinced that my relationship with the most important person in my life (me), is the one thing that will keep me sane. This healthy relationship with myself assures me that I do not develop a sense of desperateness that I so often see on dating sites.
This realization on my part is probably the easiest to forget. My perfect partner has a tendency to think too much and can sometimes get overwhelmed by her thoughts. I think I will come back and read this entry to her once in awhile. It may help out when the feelings of loneliness overcome her......
Now where is that book I was reading....
SSW :)
Wednesday, 9 January 2013
What size are my feet?? OMG I'm exhausted!!...
I've turned off the images from my dating profile for a bit. Turning off the pictures might assure that some men might read the profile and not just judge on pictures. That being said, some don't bother looking at profiles if no photos are posted.... I'm hoping for the latter for awhile. Yes, I can also turn off the profile completely but I'm not quite there yet.
Now, that I've been doing this dating thing for awhile, I have to say that it is exhausting. You always have to be 'on' and it feels like you are continuously on an interview. That is fine and I get that it's part of it. But it's exhausting!!!! Arghhh!
So why do I continue? Tis the question isn't it? Especially after just having received a message from a man asking me what size my feet were?? Now you probably are starting to know me enough to realize that there is no way that I'm letting this go.
So, I asked him why he was curious? If he had a foot fetish? Not being an expert on foot fetishes, I decided to do a bit of research on it. Apparently of all the fetishes, the foot is the biggest turn on for mostly men. Some like big huge feet in women, some like them dirty but it seems that most like them small and dainty (and clean). Research is not clear as to why the foot fetish exists but there seems to be some neural connection between genitals and feet? To be clear here, I really and truly don't care if you have any kind of fetishes including the feet (clean or dirty).
However, if the fetish is at the forefront of your relationship and more important than anything else in what you are looking for in someone, well then, you may have a problem..... This is my perception anyways.
So Mr Podiatrist avoided the foot fetish thing, talked about a few unimportant things in his response email to me and at the end, asked again about the size of my feet.
So I replied that I was flat-footed, had bunions and terrible feet that needed a pedicure. To which he replied (believe it or not) yeah but how big are they? I couldn't believe it.... I truly couldn't.
I do believe that Mr Podiatrist's story probably belongs in my 'To Pee or not To Pee' entry but seeing that I can't go back and add it, I decided to throw it in here. I suspect I will be referring to that blog on a regular basis..... HA!
So finally I said, my feet are a normal size. Why the heck are you asking Mr Podiatrist? He replied yet again, what is normal for you? To which I replied (I'm obviously bantering with him at this point), what is normal for you?
He finally said that normal is size 7 or smaller. To which I replied that I believed that normal was 8. Then I asked (while shaking my head and chuckling because I already knew the answer), is my foot size a deal breaker? And guess what he replied? He said, 'I'm sorry, but yes it is, for me the smaller feet is associated with other things. I may be wrong but that's what I think'. I simply lolol (laughed in his face through the internet) and said, I can guarantee you that you are wrong. My reply bugged him and he asked me why I thought he was wrong. I didn't bother replying and I blocked him..... C'mon now Mr Podiatrist!!!!!
I don't care what you want in a relationship, but if you state that you are looking for a long term loving relationship based on honesty and friendship, I seriously don't think that the size of your feet should be the dominating factor!! I obviously did not bother getting into this discussion with him.
Note that this is a perfect example of a man stating he wants one thing and really looking for something else. It happens ALL the time!!! Arghhh. Just be honest guys!!
Of course, sometimes I get the impression that I'm from another planet when it comes to some of these men! Something is afoot it seems! (HA!)!
Anyways, as I'm writting this, my feet ache and I would probably pay good money for a foot massage (haha).
Now, to make things even more interesing (and exhausting), I just received a message from someone who works at the same place as Mr Coach!!!! OMG I'm so exhausted..... Now what do I do with that? Do I eventually bring up Mr Coach? I guess I'll wait to see if I end up meeting this one or not. *sigh*.
I'm exhausted and going to bed!
Signed exhausted but still chuckling at it all,
SSW :)
Now, that I've been doing this dating thing for awhile, I have to say that it is exhausting. You always have to be 'on' and it feels like you are continuously on an interview. That is fine and I get that it's part of it. But it's exhausting!!!! Arghhh!
So why do I continue? Tis the question isn't it? Especially after just having received a message from a man asking me what size my feet were?? Now you probably are starting to know me enough to realize that there is no way that I'm letting this go.
So, I asked him why he was curious? If he had a foot fetish? Not being an expert on foot fetishes, I decided to do a bit of research on it. Apparently of all the fetishes, the foot is the biggest turn on for mostly men. Some like big huge feet in women, some like them dirty but it seems that most like them small and dainty (and clean). Research is not clear as to why the foot fetish exists but there seems to be some neural connection between genitals and feet? To be clear here, I really and truly don't care if you have any kind of fetishes including the feet (clean or dirty).
However, if the fetish is at the forefront of your relationship and more important than anything else in what you are looking for in someone, well then, you may have a problem..... This is my perception anyways.
So Mr Podiatrist avoided the foot fetish thing, talked about a few unimportant things in his response email to me and at the end, asked again about the size of my feet.
So I replied that I was flat-footed, had bunions and terrible feet that needed a pedicure. To which he replied (believe it or not) yeah but how big are they? I couldn't believe it.... I truly couldn't.
I do believe that Mr Podiatrist's story probably belongs in my 'To Pee or not To Pee' entry but seeing that I can't go back and add it, I decided to throw it in here. I suspect I will be referring to that blog on a regular basis..... HA!
So finally I said, my feet are a normal size. Why the heck are you asking Mr Podiatrist? He replied yet again, what is normal for you? To which I replied (I'm obviously bantering with him at this point), what is normal for you?
He finally said that normal is size 7 or smaller. To which I replied that I believed that normal was 8. Then I asked (while shaking my head and chuckling because I already knew the answer), is my foot size a deal breaker? And guess what he replied? He said, 'I'm sorry, but yes it is, for me the smaller feet is associated with other things. I may be wrong but that's what I think'. I simply lolol (laughed in his face through the internet) and said, I can guarantee you that you are wrong. My reply bugged him and he asked me why I thought he was wrong. I didn't bother replying and I blocked him..... C'mon now Mr Podiatrist!!!!!
I don't care what you want in a relationship, but if you state that you are looking for a long term loving relationship based on honesty and friendship, I seriously don't think that the size of your feet should be the dominating factor!! I obviously did not bother getting into this discussion with him.
Note that this is a perfect example of a man stating he wants one thing and really looking for something else. It happens ALL the time!!! Arghhh. Just be honest guys!!
Of course, sometimes I get the impression that I'm from another planet when it comes to some of these men! Something is afoot it seems! (HA!)!
Anyways, as I'm writting this, my feet ache and I would probably pay good money for a foot massage (haha).
Now, to make things even more interesing (and exhausting), I just received a message from someone who works at the same place as Mr Coach!!!! OMG I'm so exhausted..... Now what do I do with that? Do I eventually bring up Mr Coach? I guess I'll wait to see if I end up meeting this one or not. *sigh*.
I'm exhausted and going to bed!
Signed exhausted but still chuckling at it all,
SSW :)
Monday, 7 January 2013
'U Can't Touch This'!!
I hope you will all allow me one entry of tooting my own horn in my blog. I promise I won't make a habit of it but darn it, if you can't toot your own horn, who will? Besides it feels good once in awhile, you should try it! ;) Here goes.....
Let's go back to about 8-9 years ago. I was twice the woman I am now at that point. I was also hypertensive, had low energy and was afraid of diabetes (as I still am). Oh I tried all kinds of weight loss methods and they worked for the most part. I lost 80 lbs, gained it all back, loss 65, gained it all back, lost 75, gained it all back and finally about 2.5 years ago, I lost 80 and gained back 40.
In order to not gain it all back at this time and in order to regain control AND to stop the yo yo weight loss, I joined Weight Watchers online. Now I was never one to eat very poorly or I would never have fit through the proverbial door, but I did find out that my portions were out of sorts.
There is a lot to be said about taking care of your portions, to measuring your food and to making yourself accountable for what you put in your mouth. So 2 years ago this month, I joined Weight Watchers online and I haven't looked back. I've lost 85lbs (with a total loss of approximately 130 lbs from about 8-9 years ago). I am now on maintanance and I have met some absolutely incredible people in my online maintenance group.
I have never stepped foot in a Weight Watchers office and as it stands right now I don't intend to (not that it would matter). I could go and get weighed and after 6 weeks of weight maintenance I could get a 'ticket' that provides me with a code for free access to my online tools on their site but for me, the 21$ or so per month is thankfully not breaking the bank. It is also providing continued motivation (if I'm paying I may as well use it).
I have come to look at Weight Watchers as my daily AA meeting. I have an addiction problem to food and WW has provided me with the daily tools to help me deal with this problem.
Everyday, I track and I measure and I weigh my food. I'm now darn good at eyeballing a measure but for the most part, I stick to my routine. I am within my healthy weight range and I intend, with everything that I've got and with every ounce of my being, to stay there.
Along with eating right and getting myself in control, I have started to exercise. Now I've always been a walker. Even at my heaviest, I used to walk. I can't imagine what would have happened if I wouldn't have had some sort of exercise back then. However, I now jog, sometimes I run, sometimes I speed walk. I can jog 8-10 kms without stopping and, when I have the time, I can sometimes incorporate a 12-15 kms run (always alternating the speed of the run down to a speed walking) into my day.
Along with this exercise and weight loss, I was able to stop taking blood pressure medication, I have no concern for diabetes at this point AND my family doctor tells me that I have the heart rate of an athlete!!! Me! Imagine that!! I am so darn proud of myself! This year, in order to shake things up a bit in the exercise department, I've just joined a gym. So far so good and I'm challenging myself to new goals and adventures......
This all being said, let's talk about men! Now as a general rule, most men will not be jerks about it but let's face it, some will. MAJOR jerks. Well I'm here to tell you ladies and gentlemen that I got my revenge one day and boy, did it feel great!!
Now there are hundreds of advantages to losing weight. The health benefits are numerous to say the least. I like to think that I am setting an example for my son and I'm proud to say that many have told me that I have inspired them to start looking into their own lifestyles and weight control. Those alone are fantastic reasons and well worth it in my book.
There is one advantage though that I never ever thought I would see but I did....hehe!!! Let's rewind to about 9 years ago when I was at my heaviest. I met a man for a walk at the park. He was nice, a professional and we talked about this and that. He ended up telling me that I was not what he was looking for physically. Now let's fast forward to this past September. This same man is still on the dating site and imagine that, he 'hit' on my profile.....
Now he didn't recognize me, but I sure recognized him! Aren't you all excited for me? I still feel giddy at having had this opportunity handed to me (HA). Not only did I remind him of our walk from quite a few years ago (of course he did not remember) but I also proudly stated that I was the same person that I was back then....just smaller now. This guy, along with a ton of other men have clearly written on their profile that they do not want fat women to contact them and that they are not at all interested in them. Rude eh?
Well guess what? Payback is a b*tch and man did it give me a sense of accomplishment. Despite the fact that I told him that I was the same person as I was back then, he asked me out again. I obviously refused the outing.
I'm sorry Mr anti-'fat', but you can kiss, no wait, you can't kiss it, but you can watch my now size 6 jean clad firm ass walk away from you! Because baby, 'YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS'!!
MC Hammer said it best didn't he......
'.........Yo, I told you (U can't touch this)
Why you standing there, man? (U can't touch this)......'
Forgive me for tooting my own horn, but man did this feel good!
SSW :))
Let's go back to about 8-9 years ago. I was twice the woman I am now at that point. I was also hypertensive, had low energy and was afraid of diabetes (as I still am). Oh I tried all kinds of weight loss methods and they worked for the most part. I lost 80 lbs, gained it all back, loss 65, gained it all back, lost 75, gained it all back and finally about 2.5 years ago, I lost 80 and gained back 40.
In order to not gain it all back at this time and in order to regain control AND to stop the yo yo weight loss, I joined Weight Watchers online. Now I was never one to eat very poorly or I would never have fit through the proverbial door, but I did find out that my portions were out of sorts.
There is a lot to be said about taking care of your portions, to measuring your food and to making yourself accountable for what you put in your mouth. So 2 years ago this month, I joined Weight Watchers online and I haven't looked back. I've lost 85lbs (with a total loss of approximately 130 lbs from about 8-9 years ago). I am now on maintanance and I have met some absolutely incredible people in my online maintenance group.
I have never stepped foot in a Weight Watchers office and as it stands right now I don't intend to (not that it would matter). I could go and get weighed and after 6 weeks of weight maintenance I could get a 'ticket' that provides me with a code for free access to my online tools on their site but for me, the 21$ or so per month is thankfully not breaking the bank. It is also providing continued motivation (if I'm paying I may as well use it).
I have come to look at Weight Watchers as my daily AA meeting. I have an addiction problem to food and WW has provided me with the daily tools to help me deal with this problem.
Everyday, I track and I measure and I weigh my food. I'm now darn good at eyeballing a measure but for the most part, I stick to my routine. I am within my healthy weight range and I intend, with everything that I've got and with every ounce of my being, to stay there.
Along with eating right and getting myself in control, I have started to exercise. Now I've always been a walker. Even at my heaviest, I used to walk. I can't imagine what would have happened if I wouldn't have had some sort of exercise back then. However, I now jog, sometimes I run, sometimes I speed walk. I can jog 8-10 kms without stopping and, when I have the time, I can sometimes incorporate a 12-15 kms run (always alternating the speed of the run down to a speed walking) into my day.
Along with this exercise and weight loss, I was able to stop taking blood pressure medication, I have no concern for diabetes at this point AND my family doctor tells me that I have the heart rate of an athlete!!! Me! Imagine that!! I am so darn proud of myself! This year, in order to shake things up a bit in the exercise department, I've just joined a gym. So far so good and I'm challenging myself to new goals and adventures......
This all being said, let's talk about men! Now as a general rule, most men will not be jerks about it but let's face it, some will. MAJOR jerks. Well I'm here to tell you ladies and gentlemen that I got my revenge one day and boy, did it feel great!!
Now there are hundreds of advantages to losing weight. The health benefits are numerous to say the least. I like to think that I am setting an example for my son and I'm proud to say that many have told me that I have inspired them to start looking into their own lifestyles and weight control. Those alone are fantastic reasons and well worth it in my book.
There is one advantage though that I never ever thought I would see but I did....hehe!!! Let's rewind to about 9 years ago when I was at my heaviest. I met a man for a walk at the park. He was nice, a professional and we talked about this and that. He ended up telling me that I was not what he was looking for physically. Now let's fast forward to this past September. This same man is still on the dating site and imagine that, he 'hit' on my profile.....
Now he didn't recognize me, but I sure recognized him! Aren't you all excited for me? I still feel giddy at having had this opportunity handed to me (HA). Not only did I remind him of our walk from quite a few years ago (of course he did not remember) but I also proudly stated that I was the same person that I was back then....just smaller now. This guy, along with a ton of other men have clearly written on their profile that they do not want fat women to contact them and that they are not at all interested in them. Rude eh?
Well guess what? Payback is a b*tch and man did it give me a sense of accomplishment. Despite the fact that I told him that I was the same person as I was back then, he asked me out again. I obviously refused the outing.
I'm sorry Mr anti-'fat', but you can kiss, no wait, you can't kiss it, but you can watch my now size 6 jean clad firm ass walk away from you! Because baby, 'YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS'!!
MC Hammer said it best didn't he......
'.........Yo, I told you (U can't touch this)
Why you standing there, man? (U can't touch this)......'
Forgive me for tooting my own horn, but man did this feel good!
SSW :))
Sunday, 6 January 2013
The big D
At the end of October 2012, I met someone for dinner. Frankly, I wasn't attracted to him. He was not the type I usually go for physically. I prefer big and broad shouldered men, this man here, although tall, was very small. No big deal, after a few hours of talking with him, I realized that I liked him and that we had a ton of things in common.
We chatted through a nice dinner, joked around about the local dancing clubs and for a kick decided to go dancing. This guy was in good shape, was 48 years old, was educated and loved sports. He coached a few of them also.
Now this Mr Coach has adult children and is a grandfather. He seemed to be well balanced (there are those words again) and he had his life together. We had a fantastic first date and much to my pleasure he asked me to the movies for the next evening. In the next two weeks, we went to the movies, had dinner a few times, went dancing, went walking and jogging, went bowling and sometimes we just sat and talked.
A weird thing started happening during this time. Because I was beginning to see the real him (or the part he wanted me to see), I was starting to find him more appealing. He wasn't all that bad looking after all. His personality was shinning through. This was an excellent thing I thought!
No bells were ringing, things were really good and after two weeks I started to wonder if I had not indeed found a gem in Mr Coach.
Remember at one point in one of my entries I talked about how I hated hearing the warning bells at times? Remember that?
Toward the end of our two weeks, we were sitting and talking and Mr Coach told me a story about how his ex wife had brought a dog home some 20 years ago when they were married. She had brought home a dog, even though they already had one and she hadn't discussed it with him. He wasn't happy about that. Fair enough I say.... Lo and behold, this said dog bit one of the children. So Mr Coach, my calm, cool and collected friend, shot the dog. Ding dong, the bell rang. I didn't like hearing that bell, so I reasoned it (now THAT is dangerous and boy did I file that in my E file).
Anyways, to get back to my reasoning, I quickly convinced myself that he was only protecting his children. I asked: 'Was your daughter badly bitten by the dog, was she ok' ? He said that she was fine........
He shared another story. There was a party at his place. Some people were smoking (common occurence back then). His young child got up late at night and accidently got burnt by a cigarette. I said 'Oh my goodness, was she ok'?
He replied 'yes, she was fine, but I got really mad and threw everyone that was smoking out of the house. Party was over. I'm a laid back person but don't piss me off'.
Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong. But then, my voice of reason again said 'he was only protecting his child'. Hmmmmm.
Another thing we talked about at one point was that he had not spoken to his ex wife since the day that he had left her some 10 years earlier. Not once had he uttered a word to her and they raised three kids together. DING DONG DING DONG. I didn't even reason this warning, I just ignored it (another add on in my E file of things NOT to do).
He then proceeded to tell me that even though he had always had a good and close relationship with his children that now that they were adults (aged from 20-26) that he did not talk to them anymore because every time he called them, they didn't have much to say to him. At the time Mr Coach told me this, I did not think much of it. I simply said they are young and are absorbed in their lives. Give them time..... He didn't say much and seemed to agree with me.
Fast forward to 3 days later. I'm to meet Mr Coach to watch a movie with him. He sent me a text 45 minutes before we were to meet to inform me that he had to attend to a heating problem in one of his properties and that he would contact me later that evening to catch the movie. I said fine, no problem. At this point a small warning tiny ding occured. But I said, SSW, you are being paranoid, trust him, you have no reason to not believe him right now. And so I shut my gut up and continued to read my book.
Two and a half hours later, I decided to text Mr Coach and tell him 'I will start driving toward your place, by that time, you should almost be done and we can just grab that movie before it gets too late.' Note that I purposely texted him to tell him that I was on my way. I did not want him to think that I was stalking him. I texted this in all honesty. Not only did he not text me back, but when I got to his place, he was home....
Now I was not exactly sure on what the procedure was in this case, so I re-texted him. Note that I could have ignored the fact that he was home but I didn't. I said you are home? Would you rather we do this another night? At this, my dear, calm, cool and collected Mr Coach replied: 'you are insecure'.
Needless to say that confusion quickly set in on my part. Of course I then stated the obvious that 'how can I be insecure if I told you I was coming and besides, you lied to me'? Of course he replied that he hadn't lied.
So here we have it. Our first miscommunication. Our first bump in the road. So I offered to come over and talk about this. He refused. He stated that he was done talking, that he would not communicate and that he didn't need this.
I asked him politely to act like an adult and to at least keep in mind the last two weeks that we had shared. He refused again.
Now I've only known Mr Coach for two weeks. I wasn't sure how he would have reacted so I kept caution on my side and I did not go knocking on his door.
Much to my dismay and confusion, I never heard from Mr Coach again. I tried to communicate with him a few times but there was never a response on his part.
A few things occured to me. His children are not talking to him because they have learnt from the master himself to not communicate. They have probably decided to side with their mother at this point. Another thing that occured to me is that if he hasn't spoken to his ex wife, the mother of his children in 10 years, there is no way that he would talk to me after 2 weeks.
I had not put two and two together when it came to his kids not calling him. Anytime I start talking with a man, I always make a point of talking about the kids. If the man states that he is not involved in their lives, even if they are adults, I walk away. What didn't occur to me with Mr Coach was that his kids not calling him was his fault and not theirs.... Again, Mr Coach (the control freak Mr Coach) didn't like that the kids didn't talk when HE called, so he stopped calling them as punishment??
After letting the dust settle, I tried yet again to communicate (remember that darn phone number that I can never forget)....I still remember the number and yes he's deleted from my phone book. Anyhow, I tried to communicate again through text but there was no response. I wasn't really expecting one.
I know that this is a blessing in disguise. I know it. Mr Coach obviously has repressed anger (the dog shooting, the ending of the party because he was 'pissed' off) and he certainly also has very serious control issues.
Mr Coach has been the biggest disappointment for me so far; the big D!
That being said though, I thank my lucky stars that I found out about the repressed anger and the control issues after two weeks and not after two months or goodness forbid after two years.
I struggle with the fact that a warning bell went off the night he had to attend the heating problem and that I ignored it. Now if I would have ignored it and nothing would have come out of it, I would have said, 'see SSW, you are simply being untrustworthy'. But it wasn't the case. I knew something was up..... and I was right....
How do I know if my gut is telling me the truth or if I'm simply being paranoid or not trusting?
I trusted this man, ignored my warning bell and my gut and I could have gotten burnt in a much more serious way over time.
I am still disappointed to this day, but sometimes a little voice tells me 'helloooooo get over it'....
I am over Mr Coach, but I've got a big D going on about the potential that was missed and tossed away because of lack of communication....
Once, in the two weeks we were dating, I asked him how come a man like him, an obvious good catch was still single? He wasn't sure what to reply to that but he did say that he was always in a gym and that it is hard to find time for someone else. Truth is, Mr Coach is not the only coach around. Many married men are coaches and they have time. Mr Coach doesn't communicate and has a few issues to work on and that is the reason why he will most probably continue to be alone. Too bad for Mr Coach.....
Lesson learnt in many ways with my big D but I'm still struggling with the trust issues....
I know I have to start off a relationship by trusting and I know that sometimes my warning bells go off for nothing. But how do I know if they are true bells or not? Still pondering these questions....
I remain your SSW, still wondering, still learning, still questioning....
.....but still smiling :)
We chatted through a nice dinner, joked around about the local dancing clubs and for a kick decided to go dancing. This guy was in good shape, was 48 years old, was educated and loved sports. He coached a few of them also.
Now this Mr Coach has adult children and is a grandfather. He seemed to be well balanced (there are those words again) and he had his life together. We had a fantastic first date and much to my pleasure he asked me to the movies for the next evening. In the next two weeks, we went to the movies, had dinner a few times, went dancing, went walking and jogging, went bowling and sometimes we just sat and talked.
A weird thing started happening during this time. Because I was beginning to see the real him (or the part he wanted me to see), I was starting to find him more appealing. He wasn't all that bad looking after all. His personality was shinning through. This was an excellent thing I thought!
No bells were ringing, things were really good and after two weeks I started to wonder if I had not indeed found a gem in Mr Coach.
Remember at one point in one of my entries I talked about how I hated hearing the warning bells at times? Remember that?
Toward the end of our two weeks, we were sitting and talking and Mr Coach told me a story about how his ex wife had brought a dog home some 20 years ago when they were married. She had brought home a dog, even though they already had one and she hadn't discussed it with him. He wasn't happy about that. Fair enough I say.... Lo and behold, this said dog bit one of the children. So Mr Coach, my calm, cool and collected friend, shot the dog. Ding dong, the bell rang. I didn't like hearing that bell, so I reasoned it (now THAT is dangerous and boy did I file that in my E file).
Anyways, to get back to my reasoning, I quickly convinced myself that he was only protecting his children. I asked: 'Was your daughter badly bitten by the dog, was she ok' ? He said that she was fine........
He shared another story. There was a party at his place. Some people were smoking (common occurence back then). His young child got up late at night and accidently got burnt by a cigarette. I said 'Oh my goodness, was she ok'?
He replied 'yes, she was fine, but I got really mad and threw everyone that was smoking out of the house. Party was over. I'm a laid back person but don't piss me off'.
Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong. But then, my voice of reason again said 'he was only protecting his child'. Hmmmmm.
Another thing we talked about at one point was that he had not spoken to his ex wife since the day that he had left her some 10 years earlier. Not once had he uttered a word to her and they raised three kids together. DING DONG DING DONG. I didn't even reason this warning, I just ignored it (another add on in my E file of things NOT to do).
He then proceeded to tell me that even though he had always had a good and close relationship with his children that now that they were adults (aged from 20-26) that he did not talk to them anymore because every time he called them, they didn't have much to say to him. At the time Mr Coach told me this, I did not think much of it. I simply said they are young and are absorbed in their lives. Give them time..... He didn't say much and seemed to agree with me.
Fast forward to 3 days later. I'm to meet Mr Coach to watch a movie with him. He sent me a text 45 minutes before we were to meet to inform me that he had to attend to a heating problem in one of his properties and that he would contact me later that evening to catch the movie. I said fine, no problem. At this point a small warning tiny ding occured. But I said, SSW, you are being paranoid, trust him, you have no reason to not believe him right now. And so I shut my gut up and continued to read my book.
Two and a half hours later, I decided to text Mr Coach and tell him 'I will start driving toward your place, by that time, you should almost be done and we can just grab that movie before it gets too late.' Note that I purposely texted him to tell him that I was on my way. I did not want him to think that I was stalking him. I texted this in all honesty. Not only did he not text me back, but when I got to his place, he was home....
Now I was not exactly sure on what the procedure was in this case, so I re-texted him. Note that I could have ignored the fact that he was home but I didn't. I said you are home? Would you rather we do this another night? At this, my dear, calm, cool and collected Mr Coach replied: 'you are insecure'.
Needless to say that confusion quickly set in on my part. Of course I then stated the obvious that 'how can I be insecure if I told you I was coming and besides, you lied to me'? Of course he replied that he hadn't lied.
So here we have it. Our first miscommunication. Our first bump in the road. So I offered to come over and talk about this. He refused. He stated that he was done talking, that he would not communicate and that he didn't need this.
I asked him politely to act like an adult and to at least keep in mind the last two weeks that we had shared. He refused again.
Now I've only known Mr Coach for two weeks. I wasn't sure how he would have reacted so I kept caution on my side and I did not go knocking on his door.
Much to my dismay and confusion, I never heard from Mr Coach again. I tried to communicate with him a few times but there was never a response on his part.
A few things occured to me. His children are not talking to him because they have learnt from the master himself to not communicate. They have probably decided to side with their mother at this point. Another thing that occured to me is that if he hasn't spoken to his ex wife, the mother of his children in 10 years, there is no way that he would talk to me after 2 weeks.
I had not put two and two together when it came to his kids not calling him. Anytime I start talking with a man, I always make a point of talking about the kids. If the man states that he is not involved in their lives, even if they are adults, I walk away. What didn't occur to me with Mr Coach was that his kids not calling him was his fault and not theirs.... Again, Mr Coach (the control freak Mr Coach) didn't like that the kids didn't talk when HE called, so he stopped calling them as punishment??
After letting the dust settle, I tried yet again to communicate (remember that darn phone number that I can never forget)....I still remember the number and yes he's deleted from my phone book. Anyhow, I tried to communicate again through text but there was no response. I wasn't really expecting one.
I know that this is a blessing in disguise. I know it. Mr Coach obviously has repressed anger (the dog shooting, the ending of the party because he was 'pissed' off) and he certainly also has very serious control issues.
Mr Coach has been the biggest disappointment for me so far; the big D!
That being said though, I thank my lucky stars that I found out about the repressed anger and the control issues after two weeks and not after two months or goodness forbid after two years.
I struggle with the fact that a warning bell went off the night he had to attend the heating problem and that I ignored it. Now if I would have ignored it and nothing would have come out of it, I would have said, 'see SSW, you are simply being untrustworthy'. But it wasn't the case. I knew something was up..... and I was right....
How do I know if my gut is telling me the truth or if I'm simply being paranoid or not trusting?
I trusted this man, ignored my warning bell and my gut and I could have gotten burnt in a much more serious way over time.
I am still disappointed to this day, but sometimes a little voice tells me 'helloooooo get over it'....
I am over Mr Coach, but I've got a big D going on about the potential that was missed and tossed away because of lack of communication....
Once, in the two weeks we were dating, I asked him how come a man like him, an obvious good catch was still single? He wasn't sure what to reply to that but he did say that he was always in a gym and that it is hard to find time for someone else. Truth is, Mr Coach is not the only coach around. Many married men are coaches and they have time. Mr Coach doesn't communicate and has a few issues to work on and that is the reason why he will most probably continue to be alone. Too bad for Mr Coach.....
Lesson learnt in many ways with my big D but I'm still struggling with the trust issues....
I know I have to start off a relationship by trusting and I know that sometimes my warning bells go off for nothing. But how do I know if they are true bells or not? Still pondering these questions....
I remain your SSW, still wondering, still learning, still questioning....
.....but still smiling :)
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